Hi there!
I just finished reading your story: Echoes of the Heart. I must say, what an interesting plot you have here. Your grammar and spelling in this story is impeccable! You sure must have scored the highest in your essays during your time in high school :) I also like your cover page; it does your story great justice!
The story is quite entertaining, courtesy of your creative mind. If only there were a machine that allowed us to see one's imagination! I've never seen this magical device, but through your description of it, I could picture what it might look like - not so much for the characters though, which brings me to constructive criticism.
I won't take away from your ability as a writer because you are good. I will only give some feedback as I feel I owe you one, given I'm a writer myself too; that's if you welcome one. I felt like perhaps the story was a bit rushed, even if it's a short story. As a reader, I didn't get a chance to connect with either of the characters or imagine what they might look like. The battle that took place didn't really make me feel a sense of urgency or worry for our heroes and it all just happened in the blink of an eye! I was left to imagine the playout of the whole battle by myself without any literacy help. Basically, each chapter feels like a summary of what happens in the chapter. There were missed opportunities to explore, and doors left locked and I bet it would've been fascinating if you had led us through those doors; After all, this is fantasy - the possibilities are endless.
That is just my personal opinion; I might be wrong or completely missed the point in your choice to keep this story short and straight to the point. If there's a reason why you went about it this way, I'd like to hear one. I am aware that artists sometimes intentionally go about things in an odd way to make a point.
Bravo to the articulation of your imagination! One's vocabulary can improve from your work.
Keep writing!
