seekingthinesoul

First Mother's day without my mom.
          
          Wow. It's been rough. Next week is her birthday.
          
          I hope make it.
          

As the universe would, taking my mom's life is what it decided is best.
          
          Great. Now I have no mom. Unprovoked. Cool. 
          
          Fuck this world and everything it has to offer. My mom was getting better. She was literally WALKING without her stick. 
          
          But guess what? She still died. 
          
          Whatever. Fuck this world and its useless religions.

Might as well come speak on here for the sake of it.
          
          I am a tired, tired soul. I'm only in my second decade of life and yet I feel like I've lived enough to go to my eternal resting bed. 
          
          If perhaps the world hates me THAT much, can I at least find out when it'll all stop? Or perhaps a break. Just a teeny tiny break. Maybe  a year of no craziness.
          
          No murders of my family members.
          
          No spontaneous dying of my family members.
          
          No strokes, or heart attacks or loss of blood that require 4 weeks in the hospital and continuous rehab.
          
          No scholarships refusing to answer me after an occurrence that's completely out of my control.
          
          No stress about not having enough money to do this and that.
          
          I just want peace. I haven't found it for a solid two years now.
          
          If I have to create said peace, where I can't hear or see or feel or do anything, I will do it. A peace where my eyes are always closed, hands not moving, feet not moving and my breath not coming out. A peace where the soil of the Earth sits atop my eternal resting bed, six feet under. 
          
          I just beg for peace. That's it.
          

To the person that decided to report me to Wattpad, I'm alive. 
          
          I'm getting better I guess. You could've just asked me but it's all good I guess.

I did make it to another day. 
          
          And I kind off wish I don’t live to see the next.
          
          Why is everything getting worse? For fuck sakes. JUST A LITTLE PEACE AND QUIET IS TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR?
          
          

I think I might just take @madeinchina357 's advice of unaliving myself (they removed their message saying "just go die").
          
          A lot is going on right now that even I'm struggling to understand what the world has against me honestly.
          
          Guys, appreciate your healthy bodies, your healthy fathers and/or mothers. Your family and friends who are free of life changing illnesses, diseases or happenings such as heart attacks and strokes.
          
          Be grateful that even if you or any loved one have been in hospital, that you walked out with your own two legs still function properly and still attached to your bodies. 
          
          I hope I make to another day.
          
          

I think it's funny how I'm updating on here after almost a year later just because some know-it-all decided to comment under my message board. 
          
          This all started in the comment section under a book (Forged Bonds bxb, read it. It's awesome. Read 'Found' first though. Also awesome). 
          
          I'm going to guess Dumbledore over here was too pussy to reply under the comment where the author can see what they say after the author (bless their soul) DEFENDED them against me.
          
          Lmao, and they just told me to die. I really hope this person takes their happy pill tomorrow and wakes up a better person.

I failed one exam but passed all others. Yay me.
          
          I'm not in the mood to write more so peace out.

Y'all no!
          
          I skipped October! Fuck.
          
          I can't fucking studyyyyyyyy.
          
          My marks this semester have been okay and I'm so scared of fucking them up.
          
          But my brain is refusing. Like COMPLETELY refusing study.
          
          I don't shit about tomorrow's exam so that's FUCKING AMAZING.

September update?
          
          Friendless as always. Straykids is the only way.
          
          I am so grateful for going back into my music.
          
          Anyone that dares to judge me on it is a fucking dick.
          
          Toodles.