MY OPEN BOOK

i want to be selfish i know i need him kaya im taking him back
          
          hes not my ideal type never was 
          i dont like his possessiveness 
          i dont like that 
          he's introvert like me 
          but i loved him still
          i still want him 
          
          
          

self be honest do you love him? i do but i dont see him in my future

tangina wag kang umiyak gagu ka. bat ganun parang gaguhan lang talaga to. ano ba talaga self putangina. alam nmn na ng lahat na mag jowa kayo what stopping you ba. 
          im afraid na gagaguhin ko ulit sya. ayoko ma guilty ulit  ng dahil sa kagagawan ko
          
          
          

 hahaha so i was the one who initiated the break up because during our relationship i was being unfair and i take him for granted. he said he want me back. he will wait. but then nalaman ko just the days after our break up he's accompany other girls which he never did when we're together. then i saw his other account sa tiktok diko sya friend dun i saw that he posted an edited picture of other girl the day before our break up. and then when i confronted him sabi nya it's just a dare. sabi nya friend lng ng friend nya. i want him back. I regretted breaking up with him pero i know i still can't treat him better if we'll be back together.

i want you back? because? 
          ughhh i hate you self walang desisyon sa life hahahaha
          bat walang reply natatakot?
          pero i want you back but im not sure kaya ko panindigan pero i want you

hahaha naaasar ka because? kasi ginagawa nya sayo ung ginagawa mo dati lol so alam mo na feeling.
           alam mo feeling dati pa pero because kampante ka hinayaan mo nalang bobo ka
          

i really don't understand myself. do i really mean what i said or I'm trying to manipulate my own self.
          kasi again asking myself did i love him?
          pero what is love ba? is love caring about that person kasi if ganun of course i cared for him a lot. 
          is love helping them when they're in need? yes i genuinely help sa makakaya ko.
          is love being comfortable with that person? yes i love him
          
          you know what i just remembered na i once imagined us graduating ng sabay and then that's when I'll introduce him to my parents siguro yun ung time na i really really like the bond that we have
          
          
          going back yes i love him pero bakit ganun meron part sa isip ko na nag sasabi na hindi
          sinasabi ko lang bato kasi i feel like i lost him?
          talaga bang sinabuhay ko yung nababasa ko here sa watpad that i only like the chase i like in Between 
          
          

Update: my life sucks as always ang dami kong drama na kasalanan ko din nmn
          I wanna change myself but i dont know how to start hayst

Yuck ang cringe ng mga notes mo dito self nakakasuka.... so embarrassing pero GO dagdagan natin HAHAHA
          
          Ok of all the friends i had you're the most genuine ara sakin. I don't know what happend na even after graduating SHS ikaw na ung parang pinaka pinagkakatiwalaan ko. I felt that they are so out of my reach now and parang when i am talking to them it feels like parang nakikibelong lang ako. That's what i feel kaya minsan i just stop myself from talking. Even when were still together they make me feel that i dont belong. There are many times na nasasaktan na tlaga ako pero d ko nlng din pinapansin. Sometimes they are toxic for me and they say that you can cut people out that are toxic but how can i do that when they're all i have. even though parang wala lng namn ako para sa kanila. I value them as my friends pero kasi minsan mapupuno ka na rin talaga and sasabog.

yuck ang corny ng mga sinusulat ko dito pero update lang nadelete ko lahat ng story na gawa ko