sensorycarrot

I got into the mouthwashing fandom early. When problems weren’t as bad… but I come back and look at what tumblr had done. I am literally so disgusted and discouraged and disappointed I don’t know if I can write… half of all the fics written are jimmy x reader, half of all the fics are misogynistic kinks/reader rape fantasies, why are we making up a story for jimmy’s past when his present is bad and his actions are inexcusable, what happened to depth and the inevitable. I am sickened by the community and how bad it’s gotten. 
          
          I spoke out against it in the beginning and by god are the fans like locust tearing down fruitful crops that could have been Mouthwashing and discussion about SA. I am sick to my stomach. If you know or are moots with anyone being problematic, call them out. They’re not your community. This game radicalized my femininity and what it means and what it looks like. I didn’t know how bad it was until today. Do better. Tell people they’re wrong. Speak out in their comments. Shame them. Bring back public shaming. 
          
          So help me god. Until then, I cannot continue to publish the chapters I am working on. My readers have been amazing and all of you commenting are bringing good energy, I appreciate you. Even the silent ones who uphold values and respect for this game.

No wonder I haven't touched the 11th chapter of Fluoride. I set the story up to be fucking LOONNNGGGGGG. I've worked a bit on it. JAESUS.

I might be back on the mouthwashing grind. Don’t like my story but I’ll finish it. I’m gonna hit jimmy. I’m. I have so many men to hit.

Saw the mouthwashing pin set. Can’t believe curly’s real name is Orion I am disappointed. I still can’t make out daisuke’s last name.

he sings about himself and refers to a 'her'. I know he's a lover. I know it's something he never extends to himself. I will smother him in the end. My beating heart will swallow his. he will lose the feeling, and i will be to blame.

lord, you gave me what i wanted. sweeter than honey. it felt like he wasnt before me holding my hand. he was. his friends made room for me that evening and he asked. i saw the signs. he's better than a dream. what if he's a boy? what if he's adam's relative? I will be to blame when it goes awry. i look like a thorn to his rose. lord, grant me the grace.

im scared i can't be as genuine as he is with the world. im afraid he doesn't know me and letting him in will scare him. he's so true to loving life but im afraid im the exception.

im waning and waxing between wanting to give my truest self and keep it to myself so he can leave and no one gets hurt. im afraid im not the only option in his life.

my girl... oh, my girl. My love. Did she wants to die halfway between a hole and her food bowl. or was it wise of me to pick her up and rest in my lap until she passed. did she die hungry? she died half blind. Did she like me? did I give her comfort. Oh my love. I am sorry. You don't know how big the cavern you left is and how it grows. And you'll never be to blame for it. I loved you. I am so sorry my dearest. I have never spoken so softly and with love to my companions. I hope you heard it.

Hey. I'm sorry that I haven't been doing a lot since we talked. Um, turns out my parents blocked any access to Tumblr, so I can't edit there. Is there maybe a Google Doc or something that you have. So sorry for the inconvenience