Mentally,I'm in the ocean,swimming, with weights on my body constantly pulling me down and I can see the shore and i catch glimpses of happiness, and I breathe it in for a few seconds of delicious serenity,of love and being loved,joy happiness ect,but it's fleeting,and then another harsh waves knocks me down,sending me tumbling,sinking further down and sometimes i wanna give up and not fight and fight and fight just to have that gasp of air,that glimpse of joy but I can't help but hold out hope that one day the weights won't be as heavy,the waves won't be as punishing and i force myself to the surface for air,even for seconds before waves slam me again,this time so hard I'm completely at the bottom,head bashing against rocks,skin being cut by corals and it so exausting,you want to give up,to give in, permanently, but you hesitate once again because of hope and the process repeats itsself.