Okay now i have a jokes to write :) Hehehe..hopefully they make you laugh but if not then sorry i wasted your time..

1.A man walks into a bar and slips on some dog poo by the door. Minutes later a Gruff-looking biker came in and slips on it as well "I just did that" said the first man. So the biker knocked him out.

2.A husband asks his wife what she wants for her birthday, Excited she says "Something with diamonds!" She wasn't best pleased when her husband gave her a pack of playing cards..

4.A woman steps out the shower hearing the doorbell. Enquiring who it is through her intercom, a voice says "Blind man". Not bothering to dress she lets him in and greets him. Laughing, he says "Now where do you want these blinds madam?"

5.A Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"

First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange."

The second little boy says"Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."

Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks "Does a fart have lumps?"

The teacher looks horrified and says "Johnny! Of course not!!!"

"OK. Then I DEFINITELY shit my pants."

6.Little Johnny came home from school with a note from his teacher saying that Johnny was having trouble telling the difference between boys and girls, and would his mother please sit down and have a talk with Johnny about this. So Johnny's mother takes him quietly by the hand upstairs to her bedroom, and closes the door.

"First, Johnny, I want you to take off my blouse",she said, so Johnny unbuttons her blouse and takes it off. "O.K., now take off my skirt", and he takes off her skirt. "Now take off my bra", which he does.

"And now, Johnny, please take off my panties". Johnny finishes removing these too.

His mother then says, "Johnny, PLEASE don't wear any of my clothes to school anymore!