sighingbaby

Semi-inactive; [12.24.16 4:40pm] 

Whet .-. @yourkingkylie

I don't think recovery is a straight road. I don't think it progressively gets better. Some days, you feel like flying. Like everything is soft and warm and the nights are long without being sad. Some nights you wake up with so much lightness, with wings growing out of your back, with your fingers touching the stars from your bedroom window. Other days, however, you wake up wanting to die again. Everything feels so slow and your fingers will ache with numbness. These days, you won't eat. You'll lock yourself in your room, feeling the weight of the entire world sink into your skin. These days, you'll sit in rooms with silence in rooms full of noise. Feel your chest tighten. These days, you'll text him and tell him you miss him. These days, he won't reply. These days, your friends make fun of how quiet you became, how you never say a thing. These days, you tell them you're tired. You tell them you haven't slept. You don't tell them about the burn in your chest, how breathing became a burden. How soft death looks, how often you think about walking onto a busy street during rush hour. These days, however, will pass. One day, you'll wake up feeling light again, feel the stars at the tips of you fingers, teach yourself to eat again. One day you'll forge about what all that weight felt like, what thinking of death felt like. Eventually, you'll think of death less often.

It's okay if you're laying on your bed right now, staring blankly up at the ceiling, about to cry. I know you're scared. You're scared because you never think you're good enough. You're scared because you see other people your age already doing well and you're not even halfway there. You're scared because you will think about what others will say about you. You're scared to end up failing. You're scared, and I understand. But let me tell you this. You'll make it. I swear you will. So if you feel like crying right now, go ahead, it's okay to cry. It's okay to feel lost. And you will eventually find your way out. It's okay if right now you feel like you're not the person you're supposed to be, because I know you'll figure it out one day. It's okay if you feel like you've let yourself and the people you love down a lot of times already. One day, after all of the trials and errors and breakdowns, you'll finally make it. And you'll see that the people that love you never lost their faith in you. Please, right now, as you are, I'm asking you to not give up. Your heart may be heavy and you might have a thousand thoughts inside, but you have to keep going. You have to, no matter how scary or how much of a struggle it may be. I am proud you found the strength to read this because that means that you're trying to tell yourself you can do this through all of these words. So if there are times that you feel like you're about to just turn around and give it all up, remember this. You are not a failure.

Everybody that I get attached to ends up leaving or being offline a lot. I should stop. 

Because of cam, I have 4 followers now. Thanks dood.
          But my 4 followers should go follow @plasticvibes because he's great. And my best friend. So yeah. 
          Do that. 

My three followers should follow @typical-cam
          Mainly because he shouted me out AND IM RETURNIG THE FAVOR BECAUSE IM NICE LIKE THAT