❛ ׅ ׅ

@estrangeds 
            
            ..  if  it  changes  things,  i'll  do  it.

and  that’ll  put  you  on  fuyue’s  good  side  too!  

@estrangeds 
            
            nuonuo–     -  ..       i  won't.  no  more  killing.

@excomms 
            
            '..  i  can  leave  the  room.  they  won't  always  cry.'

newborns  cry,   wang  yi.  they’re  loud.   you  know  that. 

@excomms 
            
            'they  can't  be  unbearable..   if  they're  anything  like  you  or  me,  i  want  it.'

@excomms 
            
            [  if  there's  any  gods  up  there,  are  they  punishing  him,  finally  ?  he  just  does  his  job,  rids  the  people  wanted  dead,  and  returns  home  to  try  his  best  to  be  a  good  husband  and  father.  but  it's  not  enough.  she's  already  spoken  to  him  about  fixing..  whatever's  wrong  with  him,  for  the  sake  of  the  kids.  wrong???  he  knows  that  his  reactions-  or  lack  of–  to  things  aren't  normal,  that  things  can  get  difficult  and  overwhelming  and  bright  and  suffocating  and  ugly  and—-  she  doesn't  understand.  something  cracks  inside  him,  like  a  bone  snapping,  splinters  stabbing  into  his  flesh.  ]  'please.'

no,   you  can’t!    there  is  no  fixing  this!    i..   i  can’t  do  this  anymore..    (    her  wedding  ring  is  already  tucked  away  deep  into  one  of  the  other  many  boxes  littering  the  room  that  used  to  be  /theirs/.   there  is  only  so  much  of  this  life  she  can  handle,   and  it  isn’t  one  she’ll  subject  their  children  to  any  longer.   this  is  what  was  best.   )    ..    i’ve  already  figured  out  our  living situation. 

@excomms 
            
            '..don't  leave.  i  can  fix  this.'
            [  but  what  good  is  trying  to  convince  her  when  his  vocal  chords  render  his  voice  useless  ?  not  even  uttering  a  single  word  when  zhang  lan  says  she's  taking  the  kids  and  leaving.  he..  /knows/  he  hasn't  been  the  best,  drowning  himself  in  work–  finding  the  crying  and  screaming  so  /noisy/-  but  he's  trying.  he  has  been.  he  can  be  normal.  ]  'zhang  lan-'

*   here  &  nuonuo!!

@excomms 
            
            '..  i  can  try.  i  have  been.'

we  /  all/   are,   if  you  can  stomach  it.   

@excomms 
            
            'pork  cutlet..   are  we  eating  together  ?'

@reportons 
            
            you  know  him  well,  you've  proven  as  much.  ..mn,   fine.  if  you  treat  him  properly,  i  won't  intervene.

i’d  be  more  than  willing  but…    fuyue  would  never  let  that  happen.   he’s  gotten  upset  with  me  before  for  putting  myself  in  danger.

@reportons 
            
            ..  he  would.  answer  the  question.  are  you  willing  or  not.

*   more  making  up  stuff  NOW

@excomms 
            
            [  maybe  because..  he  knew  the  risks,  but  hadn't  expected  a  family  so  early  on.  it's  not  like  he  didn't  know  things  would  eventually  change,  though..  procrastination  seemed  to  be  the  route.  to  let  it  play  out,  to  go  until  they  couldn't  any  longer.  ]  '..  they  know  i  come  back.  i'm  not..  abandoning  them,  so  it's  fine.  '  [  still  loosely  in  her  grip,  it  seems  to  have  soothed  him,  just  a  little.  ]  '..we  can  discuss  it  later.  i  won't  be  gone  long,  a-lan.  '

this  isn’t  a  /family/  home,  wang  yi.  surely  you  knew  that  when  we  moved  in.     our  lives  aren’t  our  own  anymore,  and  you  can’t  live  out  the  rest  of  our  future  together  viewing  them as  if  they  are.   we  have..   children,  wang  yi.   we  have  a  family  to  think  about.   please..   they’re  getting  old  enough  to  know  when  you’re  gone..   to  know  that  their  father  leaves  the  room  when  they  get  too  excited. 

@excomms 
            
            [  the  touch  is  soothing,  just  like  it  always  is,  but  his  mind  is  in  a  loop  of  unrest,  constantly  pulling  him  back  into  his  own  hellscape  of  thoughts.  no  place..  ?  but  it's  /quiet/  here.  they  can  move  things  around..  surely,  and  maybe  their  kids  might  appreciate  the  quiet  too.  god..  when  did  things  start  sinking  ?  pale,  slender  hands  raise,  covering  over  his  ears,  just  to  have  a  brief  muffle  on  something.  anything.  wang  yi  shakes  his  head,  biting  down  on  his  lip  to  cause  a  distraction.  pain  helps,  sometimes. ]  '..no.  we  can  stay.  we  don't  /need/  to  go.  it's  quiet.'

@excomms 
            
            i  know,  but  nuonuo  is  recovering.  he  will  worry.

that’s  up  to  him  to  decide.   he’s  still…   angry with  you. 

@excomms 
            
            /nothing/  will  happen.  she  will  be  safe..  i  will  make  sure  of  that.  fuyue  will  visit  her  too.