simplyNie

I appreciate my father and friends even more this time. 
          	
          	My father knew him but he doesn't know everything. I just told him he stopped talking to me. 
          	
          	The sad thing is I question my value and worth and I keep asking my father 'Pa, maganda ba ako? When he answers 'Yes' I will ask him 'Eh bakit ako iniwan' sasabihin nya 'May dadating din na para sayo. Wag kang magmadali'.
          	
          	For my friends, they are quite hesitant about him at first. They are happy for me but they still have doubts as they said 'Baka tulad din yan ni E ah'.
          	
          	And when I told them what happened, and if I should block him, they were not hesitant to answer 'Oo, block mo na' and were so mad at him. 
          	
          	And yes, I still question my worth till now. 
          	
          	Sana next na update ko dito, masaya ako. Kahit walang jowa basta fully healed na.

simplyNie

I appreciate my father and friends even more this time. 
          
          My father knew him but he doesn't know everything. I just told him he stopped talking to me. 
          
          The sad thing is I question my value and worth and I keep asking my father 'Pa, maganda ba ako? When he answers 'Yes' I will ask him 'Eh bakit ako iniwan' sasabihin nya 'May dadating din na para sayo. Wag kang magmadali'.
          
          For my friends, they are quite hesitant about him at first. They are happy for me but they still have doubts as they said 'Baka tulad din yan ni E ah'.
          
          And when I told them what happened, and if I should block him, they were not hesitant to answer 'Oo, block mo na' and were so mad at him. 
          
          And yes, I still question my worth till now. 
          
          Sana next na update ko dito, masaya ako. Kahit walang jowa basta fully healed na.

simplyNie

I took the risk with precaution, I asked my friends about it and I knew the consequences. 
          
          I saw some red flags but I still continue. 
          
          Am I attracted to him physically? No.
          Am I attracted to him emotionally? Yes.
          
          I love him. I took the risk. I did a lot of things to move on and even begged God to stop the pain cause I couldn't take it anymore. 
          
          I stop asking why cause his actions are enough to answer everything. I don't want to hear anything from him but I keep thinking of him everywhere cause he has lot of kwento. 
          
          I'm still healing and hope to finally move on some day. 
          
          Deserve nyang maging masaya pero sana naman Lord, ako din. 
          
          Dati sinasabi ko na 'I hope one day, marealize nya anung sinayang nya, and manalo naman ako this time' but I realized na 'It shouldn't be about him, but about me. I should improve myself, and continue to be better and wiser and maging successful ako at mafeel ko na panalo ako matter. Ayun ang importante. Tama na yung sya. Ako naman this time.
          
          I'm still praying to God to guide me sa journey na ito. I know, magiging okay din ako one day.

simplyNie

And it took me 6yrs to take a risk and it didn't end well again. 
          
          I mean, I met a lot of guys sa work but I didn't really take it seriously kasi nag eenjoy ako sa work and the trauma of E.
          
          So this year, 2022. Nagkaroon ako ng contact sa isa sa childhood friend ko. It's been a decade since we saw each other and childhood bestfriend ko sister nya. He greeted me a day after my birthday and that started. He's working in Japan, and kakabreak lang nila ng ex nya for 3 yrs nung December of 2021. 
          
          I admit crush ko sya nung mga bata kami and iba sya sa mga nakausap ko. I told him I like him but he told me he's not ready. But we continue chatting. He's the first one to update me, sya lahat gumawa nung una and I just follow his lead.
          
          Compared to E, this time, there's a connection. Kinda deep connection. I lasted for 3 months but I noticed that he changed after 2 months. 
          
          Many things happened. When he's not messaging me, I did not message him. Cold sya? cold din ako.
          
          Long story short, I blocked him. 
          
          It hurts till now and I don't deserve those. I don't deserve the pain. My intentions are pure from the beginning. I don't deserve all those excuses and such. I never asked for his explanation in the first place. Para saan pa? His actions are enough. 
          
          My heart got broken. Again. And sobrang sakit but I know I deserve better. Hindi lang sya nangyari dahil wala lang. 
          
          Marami syang naidulot na maganda sa akin. 
          
          Nonetheless, I still pray for his happiness despite what he did, he still deserves to be happy.
          
          I'm learning each day of this healing phase. It's been 3 months but the pain is still there but I'm moving. Moving forward. To be better.
          
          Words are cheap, actions are expensive. Never settle for less.

simplyNie

So nagsscroll lang ako dito and saw yung mga drama ko kay E HAHAAHAHHA 
          
          It's been a while since posting here but just an update, I honestly forgot those details so I'm glad to see it here.
          
          I remember the struggle of moving on, and going on uncertainty, begging for his love and hearing those words of 'Dalawa kayong mahal ko' HAHAHAAH 
          
          And I'm happy na tinatawanan ko nlang sya now. 
          
          Months after graduation, nagkasabay kami sa tricycle, I was so shook and nanginginig ako kasi bumalik lahat ng pain. Kinakausap nya ako, nangangamusta, he asked me 'San ka nagwowork' and one line lang sagot ko kasi naiiyak na ako ahahahah Like pano nya nagagawa un? na kamustahin ako after what he did? hahaahaha
          
          Nanginginig ako habang nakasakay sa FX, wala ako aa sarili ko whole day. And that's the last time na nakita ko sya. 
          
          A year ago, I managed to talk to some of my classmates and close friend nya. They told me na he was so unsure of whom he liked by then. 
          Well, it doesn't matter to me now. 
          
          The last time na may narinig ako sa kanya is naglilive in na sila ng GF nya. Yes, sila pa din ng GF nya nung college kami. 
          
          
          He's my 1st ka MU and hopefully last. 
          
          I'm glad though na di naging kami kasi I was so busy with school and family that time. I'm glad na I was able to say No to him and prioritize my studies. Good job, self.
          
          I wish him happiness. We all deserve to be happy.

simplyNie

This guy chatting me.
          Me: Do you have GF?
          Him: Why did you ask?
          Me: Baka kasi you're spending time chatting me then you have GF pala
          Him: Haha, wala. It's normal naman to chat with friends
          Me to myself: BBUUURRRRRNNN 
          Me: Sorry for asking ah? Experience lot of times that my guy friends block me then gf pala nila yung reason
          And he did not reply.

simplyNie

Hindi ako pumapatol sa mga kapwa ko reader pero this time, di ko na napigilan. Ang rude kasi ng pagkakasabi nya na 'Kainis namn tong author na to, wala na ngang happy ending sa real life, pati dito din' something like that. So di na ako nakapagtimpi. Gurl, binabayaran mo sya? Edi wag kang magbasa.
          
          Tapos sasabihan mo ako ng 'Di lahat ng comments totoo'. Ano to? naglolokohan tayo?
          
          Sabay 'Matagal na akong supporter ni Author', 'Ang oOOA nyo magreact, tawa na lang ako.'. Gurl, ikaw yung OA magreact sa atin. Sige tumawa ka, nakakatawa ka eh.
          
          Ang rude for me. Sa totoo lang. Di natin binabayaran yung mga author na to, di sila bayad so dapat magpasalamat tayo kasi may nababasa tayong mgagandang libro.
          
          You have the right to state your opinion pero be sensitive and careful. Kahit sino magttrigger sa sinabi mo. 'Nakakainis naman tong author na to', kahit basahin mo sya, maririnig no yung pagkakasabi.
          
           Gigil mo ako te.