I hate this. I've never once thought in my life that I would be so concerned about this, but now that I'm alone, it just keeps creeping into my head. I hate the fact that I'm jealous of my bsf's potential lover. I hate the idea of them together, but also really want them together. I hate the idea that now that they're getting really comfortable with one another, she's going to do everything with him, and I will be left all on my own. For as much as I speak out and am the one to also take myself out, i cant stand the idea of no one being in my corner backing me up anymore. I'm so ugly physically and mentally that i cant keep anyone by my side. I don't like anyone and speak with a nasty mouth, so no one comes close to me, and I have trouble speaking the freind groups main language bc i grew up only spesking english. I feel disconnected. I've wanted to look prettier im the only one without so much as a kindle of love, and I hate that I think like this, so selfish and so childish. I want osmehting i can never attain, and yet instead of doing it i whine and cry like a child. I want to disconnect from the people in my life. keep to myself. I want to obtain the life I'll never have because im to lazy to even begin. I question if I am even worthy of any other person's love and admiration. I hate that this is even in my mind.
