♡marcus♥

تعبت.

لا رفيق و صاحب و لا اي شخص يذكر.
          في أعز وقت حزني و تعبي و قلة حيلتي لا احد بجانبي.
          لا اعرف ما افعل.
          افعالي السيئة القديمة توقفت عن فعلها فما لي ان افعل حتى ازيح بهذا الالم الداخلي ؟ 
          تعبت و لكن ما علي فعله؟ 

عندما حزن الجميع واسيتهم واحدا واحدا.
          والان انا حزين؟ من لي؟ و من يربت على كتفي و ظهري
          قائلا ان كل شيئ بخير؟ انا لا اشعر اني بخير ابدا .
          
          

Ur the reason for me to keep on holding  in life 
          Ily

‏"حتى وإن طالت عليك العتمة، وتعثّرت خطواتك، وأصبح الحال غير الحال، لابد من صباحٍ تُشرق فيه شمسٌ ليست كأيّ شمس، وضوء عظيم ليس كأيّ ضوء، صباحٌ ممتلئ بالبشائر، فائضٌ بالفرح، غارقٌ بالجبر والعوَض، فيطمئن فيه قلبك، وتهدأ نفسك، وتستقر في ساحات السلام روحك. استعد هدوءك وتوكّل على الله."

I swear I am trying 
          but if you woke up and iam gone
          iam sorry

خذي عمودك نزلتها
          
          @jonmya_
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/242717310

She wants me to love her but when i ask for something that i should be even asking about because it has to be between my hands before i ask.
          She checks with my sisters first to see if i really need it or no?
          Like the hell? 
          She knows i dont ask about money for clothes nor shoes.
          But when i do that s mean i really need it ...
          But its okey , she was always this shit i dont know why iam getting emotional over this.
          She keeps insisting at me to talk to her but whenever i sit with them they start mocking me or they just use codes when i sit with them
           like why do you want me so bad to sit with you if you dont want me in the first place.
          I hate to feel ignored or being uninvited .
          I saw on tiktok someone saying you have to forgive your family and move on.
          But how can i forgive them ? They have been nothing but bad to me.
          .
          Thats why i chose to step away from social media goodbye

i lowkey enjoy crungy shit
          like it so cute for sm1 to write a long ass text telling how much they love you
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          
          - i love you too , to my non-existant lover

This world is so cruel 
          The person you gave him/her your evrything was stabbing you behind your back at the first hello
          Fuck i give them my everything 
          But still try to play dirty games with me?
          I dont know how to pay them back 
          Because they wont lost a thing 
          They r jerks from the very beginning 
          Iam feeling so naive and baaaaakkkkkka and stupid and arrogant and dumb and  pabo and anything mean the stupid head i have 
          
          I always think that i know what iam doing. But hell no iam not
          .
          .
          .
          
          They give me trust issues, friends issues, lovers issues, everything issues .
          
          Idk how. i ll make it but. i ll try to be patient i have to.
          .
          .
          .
          I know it ll be hard to start again
          I always have a difficulty to stop everything and start from the zero but. I ll try 
          
          ..
          ..
          .
          .
          They tried to make me lost me  even tho they know what happened to me 4 years ago.
          They said they wont hurt me / they wont be like others/ they love me for who iam / they wont use me like thier doll....
          .
          .
          .
          
          .
          Hehe. in the end that was alll lies lies lies lies lies .
          .
          .
          .