Want him back

... I've changed so much in two years... I'm sorry for being cringy back then but I've changed. Follow this account to see my new content and for some reason its doing really good!!

I have like the best friends in the world! Ok so every since like a year or two ago I've wanted a vape and today in school a kid got busted with it so me and one of my friends started talking about it and I told him how I've always wanted one and he's gonna try to get me one! I can't but one cuz I'm broke and don't know someone who could get me one!! Omg 

I'm freaking out!!! Omg!!! Ok so if you've been with me for a while my first ever story on here is in a ranking! Omg!!! I'm dead!! 

The past almost month that I was gone from here has been so much things that I'm still spinning from trying to keep up if you read my stories most contain the name Logan and he was my boyfriend for almost a year but about two weeks ago I broke up with him and still it hurts. But since then I've had a new boyfriend who took away the thought of Logan and made me not cry but only for a few days because my phone was taken for a week and I just got it back today. And with that I've gotten back my new boyfriend. The past month it's been my first month of high school and I'm all honest I haven't really been on my phone at all. Today was a bad day so I'm back on here and I write. Which hurts to even think about writing or our world or New York and everything else cause it makes me sad and think of you. How you tell me you memorize all my writings, I wonder if you'd like this one I mean maybe. But I bet mostly no. To this day I want to know if you moved on within a day? If your still you? If you care? If you'll ever talk to me again? But I know you don't and the answers no to all of those questions. That hurts but I know it's the truth. 

I'll say it til I die, I want you. And only you. But sometimes we seem fake, and we fight and it hurts me a lot. Tbh I didn't do a lot of things til I was with you. I never cut. Not like I have and still try to. I didn't cry every night just I think of you leaving or dying or something bad happening to you. You think I'm kidding when I say every night but I do. I'm crying right now as I'm writing this cuz I'm upset and just want you. Knowing I will never have you past when we're 15 or 16 cuz we'll never last long hurts me the most cuz I want my life with you and I want to be with you and no one else. You don't know how much I really care and love you. Yes I don't act like I care some times but I care a lot. December 26 I cried that whole night til you got back to my side cuz I was scared that Cameron would kill you and I would never have you again. Yes I believe in you but at the same time I know you could slip on a rock or something and you could have been hurt. You're so afraid of me leaving you right now you thought of leaving so you wouldn't get hurt. Because of that I'm scared you'll leave me and I'll never be good for you and I'll never be good for anyone. I over think. I'm an over thinker. But it hurts to know someone you love would even think of something like that when I'm you're mind you want a life with this person til your 6 feet under. You think I'll leave when I want everything in my life to be with you. And you only. I want kids with you and to marry you one day and have all my friends and family there to see that we lasted that long and that I really do love you. I honestly think you forget how much I want with you. Baby you all I want and all I could ask for. Even more then what I could ask for. You're kind, sweet, loving, protective, amazing, supportive, can listen to me talk forever, the best story teller, and the most handsome I could ever ask for. 

Another night of silent crying and listening to music... Tuesday maybe my last day with you and I love you to much to wait you gone. I cried Cuz I know what he does to you and you stayed there and got hit just to talk to me. That lets me know you love you. But crying tonight is different. My whole chest to stomach has a big sharp pain and I'm cold like I am when I'm sick. Its different Cuz I cant talk to you period tonight. But ill put on a hoodie and lay my new hermit crab on my chest and curl up in a blanket Cuz that's what I do. I want your head on my chest and I eat to be heated by you beside me. I guess tonight thats not happening..

On an honest level it seems like you don't care. Or just don't want to even talk to me. It's been like this since my birthday. I don't understand. It's like you hate me and it hurts. It hurts to know that tre person I love might not even want to talk to me or be near me anymore. It all just hurts. And I can't tell you this cuz it I will worry you. Idk what to do 

Take 2 did nothing... but then 5 made her dizzy and feel sick. Blood got everywhere and a pain come from her all over. She didn't have a reason to do this but she did it anyways. She thought she would die or the pain would leave her. 

Why does life seem like it's crashing down rn ? 

This is in memory of Lexie .. Lexie I love you so much and I know you're his cousin and we didn't even know each other that much but I still love you. I know you did some bad things in the past But that's all gone and you were the sweetest most kindest person I have ever met. And when I told you I wish you were part of my family I wasn't joking because I just seen how nice you were and I wanted you to be apart of my life. I sorry that I was stuck in the past and didn't see how sweet and kind you were until now. I'm sorry I bugged you to talk when you just didn't like talking. I'm sorry I ended up hurting Logan every once and awhile and you would have to calm him down. But that's my promise to you because I never made you one technically so I'm gonna do one now. That promise is to never hurt Logan,and to keep him alive and safe, and to love him as long as I shall live. I need you to know Lexie that I really do love Logan and I would never hurt him on purpose, but me being me I'll screw up a lot with him and I'll try my hardest to fix everything to how it was. I loved how you would say that me telling Logan I love  him was the sweetest and cutest thing ever! And I'm gonna keep it like that. And I hope that you end up being in a good place because you deserve it. And thank you for everything that you have done for me. There is no words for how much I'm gonna miss you and how much I'm thankful for you. May you RIP Lexie ...