Tia

Tears stained her porcelain cheeks, “was I just another pretty face to you?” Her voice wavers and my heart sinks in my chest. I fucked up.
          
          I reach for her hand but she pulls back, “do not touch me! I’m only in this car with you because I need a ride home, now start the car, and take me home.” She turns away from me, silently crying.
          
          I twist the key in the ignition, “I’m sorry.” I can hear a faint scoff sound from her. I can’t fix this.

Sometimes I want to be left alone, in a room by myself with nothing but my thoughts. Though when I do that, my mind wanders and I can’t think straight. It feels as if I can’t ever be alone with my thoughts because they consume too much of my brain and it feels as if I’m suffocating. Like I’m trapped in this little world by myself, not knowing how or when I can get out because my thoughts are too much for me to handle. And the only time I can leave that little world is after my thoughts vanish and I’m lying there on my bedroom floor with salty tears rolling down my pale cheeks because I can’t control how I’m feeling because my mind was too far gone to realize when I had started crying. I hate myself.

Not heartless, just using my heart less…

I rarely hate, though when I hate, I hate murderously.