Happybird68
After having read the chapters multiple times. I was able to spot your strengths and weaknesses.
For chapter one
Strengths:
1) There's good pacing. The book is not too quick or too slow.
2) great open hook. The first few lines highlight the narrator's personality. It also makes the readers curious about the relationship between Tristan and Riley.
3) Lines like "For once, it looked like the universe was throwing me a bone" make Riley feel like a real person rather than a generic protagonist.
Weaknesses:
1) Tristan needs a stronger first impression.
We don't really get much from Tristan in the first scene. The reader is told that she hates him, but I'm struggling to fully understand why.
Adding another action could help with that.
2) Avoid using too many clichés.
Phrases like:
Football captain.
Campus golden boy.
Perfect blonde hair.
Perfect makeup.
Perfect smile
Are very common in romance stories here.
It would be great if you could add details that are unique to your characters and give them more personality.
For example:
Instead of: "Campus golden boy"
You could say: "the kind of guy that teachers respected, parents adored, and students would probably elect president if given the chance."
There are more but overall I'd say you're doing really well for your first chapter.
If you don't understand anything let me know and I'll be happy to help.
One last thing. I'd suggest learning the "show don't tell method." It can help improve your writing.
If you'd like me to rewrite certain lines for you to show you what I mean by that then I don't mind. Just let me know.
I'll move on to chapter 2 next. :)
smokeypixel
Oh my god!! Thank you so much for taking the time to do such a detailed review! There were some genuinely solid points in there, especially the ones about my strengths and weaknesses, and I think they’ll really help me grow as a writer. I’ll definitely keep your suggestions in mind as I continue the story.