.

I would tell you the reason but it would sound like I'm making excuses because it would sound like this happened or that happened. 
            ‎I just did notb have the will in me to idk to just be present. I was rotting in my room alone for months. Sounds like Im making excuses again but ok forget it I just wanna apologize and it's okie if you don't wanna forgive me but I do wanna apologize and I'm late ik but your reaction was too idk how to say cold for me that I never had the courage to actually apologize I thought you would block me or sum so I was really happy that day when I saw your message. Ha fk idk what I'm saying. I know you don't like me anymore and I won't disturb you again. This is the last time. I hope you can forgive me. You were and will always be my best friend and someone who I called my soulmate well don't wanna sound corny I'm sorry. I'm genuinely sorry for it. Idk how many times I've typed this shit and deleted it. Everyday I think about telling you all of this and I don't idk how I got the courage today. Im genuinely sorry if this pissed you off or made u mad. I just wanted to apologize and I'm not expecting you to become my friend again but I just wanted to let you know that you fuck ok sorry ik you don't wanna hear my sappy shit but idk fuck okie im sorry twin. I hope you'll be able to forgive me one day and I don't allow people to call me sunshine cuz you used to call me that. Anyways I'll always hope the best for you. Im sorry again I promise I won't bother you again.

@nicolodo ‎hey alez it's moonie idk how to start and i know this is probably the last thing you want from me. Idek if you think of me as your friend anymore but wtv ig it is my fault and I never apologized for my actions. Forgive me for that I was too hesitant and too afraid of your reaction to my disappearance. I really wanted to explain myself but I never did oh God idek what Im saying forget everything I said I just wanna tell you much I actually miss you everyday and I know this is too late like way too late. Too late for me to come to you and expect you to listen to my bullshit. Srry if I don't make sense rn I just wanna say everything because if I don't do this today I know I'll go back to being hesitant. Not making excuses for my behavior.  Ok again ik this is the last thing you want right now but I promise this is the last time I'll disturb you. Ik you prolly Don want me back in ur life and bothering you like this. But please i am so sorry my behavior and my disappearance.

I'm suffering as of right now