Jealous of my skinny friends. Always surrounded by them. Never fitted in with any of them.
When i did, i had nobody to fit in with.
No friends, nobody to laugh with, nobody to share my thoughts with, nobody to talk with, except for the evil lingering thoughts about my body, 24/7. If i did have a friend, it was Ana. she had made my mind foolishly think she was really there for me. Oh how i miss her, even though she was toxic. She made me feel and become weak. With her, i felt lonely and sick. But also Euphoric. That feeling i miss so dearly whenever i was with her, even if it made me sicker and sicker. How i wish i could just feel it once again but, i must fix my relationship with her and break off the one with Mia, but not the one i miss and had true happiness with. Oh how i hate Mia. Oh how i feel towards her. She is very cruel. Shoving food down my throat only for her to tell me to throw it all out. Down the toilet it goes, flushed. Oh but if you dont do it soon enough and down the stomach it goes, digested. You will feel the guilt made by her. You will have fallen for her manipulative guilt trips. Trips to the bathroom arent fun, and the guilt sure isnt either. How she tells me to starve till the next day, only to repeat the cycle. When will it end? When will i take back control? Oh if i had to choose, i would go back to Mia. Oh how i hate i cant control my own body and have to depend on them. At least Mia made me feel a little better about my body, even if it meant to starve.
