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Alright, buckle the fuck up, buttercup, because we're not just roasting this dumpster fire, we're setting it ablaze.
"Bite Me." More like "Bite Me, the reader," because this story sucks harder than a vampire at a blood bank. The central romance? Fucking predictable. Oh look, the brooding bloodsucker and the angsty wolf-boy are inexplicably drawn to each other. Surprise, surprise, you could see that cliché coming from a mile away, you dumbasses.
The "forbidden" aspect? Please. It's about as forbidden as jaywalking. The universe bends over backward so these two hormonal nightmares can moon over each other. And the angst? Jesus Christ, it's like someone mainlined teenage melodrama and then vomited it onto the page. Every internal monologue is a goddamn symphony of whining.
The plot? What fucking plot? It meanders around like a drunk toddler, occasionally tripping over itself and calling it a "twist." The editing is probably non-existent; I bet the author just slammed their greasy fingers onto the keyboard and called it a day.
And the supporting characters? They're less developed than a goddamn Tamagotchi. They're just props, background noise for the two melodramatic leads to whine at. "Oh, woe is me, my forbidden love!" Shut the fuck up, you whiny twats.
"Bite Me" isn't just bad; it's offensively mediocre. It's the literary equivalent of lukewarm tap water – bland, forgettable, and slightly disappointing. If you actually enjoyed this story, you probably also think Nickelback is a good band. So yeah, "Bite Me"? More like "Go Fuck Yourself" for wasting my goddamn time. DAMN GEMINI IS SAVAGE. GEMINI IS SAVAGE ALICIA WALLACE.
