softvenin

something he won't ever read:
          
          i know.
          i said i wouldn’t break like this again.
          said i would sleep on time,
          eat properly,
          stop letting sadness rot quietly
          in the corners of my room.
          
          i promised i would be gentler
          with the person carrying me through all of this.
          and still,
          i disappeared from myself for a while.
          
          i let the dishes pile up.
          ignored the sunlight for days.
          turned every small hurt
          into something catastrophic.
          
          i know.
          
          and i am sorry
          for treating my heart
          like something replaceable.
          
          but please understand,
          i was trying.
          even on the days i looked careless,
          there was still a part of me
          dragging my body through the hours
          hoping tomorrow would feel softer.
          
          i think healing is less like a promise
          and more like returning.
          again and again.
          even after failure.
          even after shame.
          
          so here i am.
          returning.
          
          i cannot swear
          that i will never fall apart again.
          that would be another dishonest promise.
          
          but i can promise this:
          i will try to notice the warning signs sooner.
          i will open the curtains.
          drink the water.
          answer the texts.
          ask for help before the drowning part.
          
          i will stop speaking to myself
          like an enemy.
          
          and if i stumble again,
          i will not abandon myself over it.
          
          this time,
          the promise is not perfection.
          just staying.

I just published my new poem "LOVING YOU IN DRAFTS" do read please.

HEY,  THESALVATORESPELL IS ME AND ITS'S BEEN A LONG TIME MATE

HI IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME AM SUGITHA REMEMBER?

Hey
          
          If you're from India ,I want your advice for my ongoing poems collection "संघर्ष "
          
          Can you please give your views on it ?
          
          

i did not shatter,
          i bent into a quieter shape.
          the world was loud, so i folded myself
          into the smallest room of my chest
          and waited.
          
          tonight, my tears are shy.
          they press against my eyes like rain
          that hasn't decided
          whether the ground is safe enough yet.
          so i let them stay.
          
          i am learning this strange courage:
          to pause without apology,
          to rest without calling it defeat,
          to breathe without explaining why.
          
          they touched my days,
          but they do not own my nights.
          even wounded, i am still mine.
          even tired, i am still whole.
          
          somewhere in the dark,
          a small light practices existing.
          it does not argue with the sun.
          it waits.
          and when the world goes quiet,
          it glows.

Hi, I'm great, and how are you? I have been busy lately so here is my Insta ID: thesalvatorespell, and ya, I will see you there and am writing

the first ch of All My Almosts is up! go check it up!
          
          thank you for reading~
          love, bee.
          
          link: https://www.wattpad.com/story/397436144-all-my-almosts

hi.
          i think the time is here.
          the inner me said that i should probably wait till i finish the entirety of the chapters that i intended to finish before writing this...but that will take a bit more of my time. 
          and i just wanted to post something. believe that i am not yet done here or i do have time to squeeze in my other hobbies apart from my work and studies.
          
          so, hi. again.
          i will be posting my new first novel, called "all my almosts" and if you feel interested enough to stick around, that would be awesome. 
          
          yeah, so this might get published around tomorrow or the day after if i am not too busy or actually forget in midst of my chaos. 
          
          how have you guys been? anything that you want to share with me? 
          anything you want me to read? 
          
          love,
          bee.

a moment of your time. 
          if you are here, hi. 
          
          about the name change.
          i’ve always written under a name that felt like home to my poetry — quiet, aching, familiar.
          but lately, my writing has shifted. grown fangs.
          i'm still soft, but now there’s venom beneath the surface.
          fiction feels like uncharted water, and i want a name that swims with it.
          
          so, hi — i'm softvenin now.
          same writer. same heart.
          just a new way of bleeding onto the page.