𝐒

june 29, 2023
          
          you know what i really want ? to literally not exist in this life. to literally leave this fuck up world. i wanna have my own peace of mind, i wanna have a place to live on my own without needing my mom. 
          
          i love my mom. but sometimes, she just way too rasict over kpop. i can't even live a normal life without hearing her bashing on songs i played. 

june 26, 23
          
          i can't really open up my feelings nor tell it to anyone lately. i feel like there's no one i can open up to, or is there actually someone who is willing to hear this, but my heart really hurts. 
          
          the type of hurt where you work hard for something, but the result isn't what you can be proud of, which led it hard for me to  get what i want cuz apparently the world is unfair and it only look up to those who have their results met up the expectations. 
          
          i blame myself for this. for not trying harder than i already am. and i really hate myself atm. my self-esteem? my self-confidence? my motivation? they're so low as if i lose hope in myself. 

april 16, 23
          
          it's hard. living is. seems like everything i love, i had to let it go. i can't seem to handle it anymore, and im losing myself. 
          
          it's me against me. not anyone or the world.

april 13 , 23
          
          im trying my best here to be brutally honest with myself.
          it's hard. and today, it's the very very lowest point of my life.

november 13, 22
          
          i don't know what to do in my life anymore.
          i don't know if its all worth it or not. im so tired, with everything.
          breathing is so tiring, sleeping is boring now, eating doesn't feels
          right– just everything i do makes me feels more emptier than how
          empty i am already. 
          
          i wanna leave this place and go live somewhere else instead.
          
          or maybe, pretending that im not 'existed'

october 12, 22
          
          im so tired, i don't know how longer i can hold all of this. the weight of the world, responsibility, assignments, homeworks, house chores, being the one who had to do literally all of the works and etc.
          
          i have to study for my exam soon, but i don't know how, or where to start first. everything is overwhelming to me, i hate this, its very stressful— really. 

july 26, 22
          
          just like how i expected. everyone's decided to leave. why do i even attached to them ? im just hurting myself even more

june 11, 22
          
          its really hurt, and i think i have enough of it. 

april 18th, 22
          
          all i wanna do is sleep, i feel so tired not matter what 

april 16, 22
          
          its hurt, really.