Lola

I'm not one to be a believer, to trust a God out there exists and follow its imperfect humans spread his word like it's law. I've never been helpless enough to trust a higher being that will give me salvation, that will fix my mistakes and grant me my wishes if I am a good enough girl to deserve it. Faith is a twisted, holy kink. And worship is such a lovely word, isn't it? To bow down on your knees, to be so naive you let go of rationality and believe, believe and love so deeply that you're blind to reality. I don't worship but I've always wanted to be worshiped. Until I met you. You were like a flicker of light that moves too fast, disappears too quickly, so out of reach that my ego couldn't handle it. You're there and yet you're not. So oblivious. So good looking. A piece of the paradise they all preach about. Admired by everyone and yet you want no one. If you told me what hurt you, maybe I could change, become your crutch, or the balm that heals your wounds. Maybe if you stopped for a moment, I could change, I could try and be the land they call home, the place you settle down to, hoping nowhere else is more beautiful than here. And you're so close, so close to being a God on earth. But I've never been religious. And to me Gods only bring pain. No one with power is that merciful. 
          So tell me, my love? Will you worship me instead?

Meet our newest hot stuff, Logan! New chapter is out. xoxo
          https://www.wattpad.com/1621574802-when-logan-hates-me-chapter-2

What is going to happen with Sapphire Blue? Will you continue? 

My newest story is up on my page here! Enjoy, sweethearts! <3
          
          https://www.wattpad.com/story/409669331-when-logan-hates-me

When Logan Hates Me
          
          Stacey Bennet is perfect. She's got everything a girl would ever want in life. She has the rich family, and the rich boyfriend who so happens to be the star athlete of their school. Cliche, I know. She's got the fame and the looks and all the dresses and high heels one would want to fashionably walk down the future she so carefully had planned with her high school sweetheart... or so she thought. When she finds her boyfriend fucking her little sister, all her perfect doll life crumbles to the ground and she's now faced with an uncertain future and a life that apparently isn't as easy as she deemed. So what does she do? She takes sweet revenge, of course.
          
          Logan Miller is everything Stacey would never touch even with a ten foot pole. He's the quiet boy raised in the wrong part of town. He's everything she hates. He's antisocial. He blends in. He doesn't care about school drama and love in the air that inevitably leads to heartbreaks. And for some reason, he's immune to her. No, scratch that, he hates her with a passion so fierce it blindsides her. But he's the boy her sister is obsessed with. The same one her boyfriend has a sick inferiority complex about.
          
          It's either him or nothing and Stacey always gets what she wants.
          
          For all my girls who'd rather be a a bad bitch and go after the hot nerd! What's more fun than a tortured nerd, am I right?
           #badgirlgoodguy #enemiestolovers #queenb #erotica #populargirlnerdboy
          
          Read on: https://www.patreon.com/collection/2076593
          
          Chapter 1: https://ellipsus.com/read/1aJQ57X7TYK6bxTl2Cv14h/Chapter-1

Hello, my babies!
          I'm excited to say that I've just published a new project and book I'm working on. Most of it will be published in my Patreon and a writing platform called Ellipsus that allows readers to interact and comment on the chapters as well, until I decide if I'll have it here as well! For now, you can find it for free on these links: 
          https://ellipsus.com/read/1aJQ57X7TYK6bxTl2Cv14h/Chapter-1
          
          https://www.patreon.com/posts/logan-hates-me-1-154441151?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link
          
          Can't wait to see what you guys think!

So may things I wanted to do at the same time. I could be an accountant climbing the corporate ladder, the femme fatale who doesn't work at all but has men work for her, the lonely writer who either makes it or doesn't make it at all, or the artist who draws stories she wants to tell. I could own a bookstore or perhaps a pottery one. Or I could be a housewife, my brain working only for my children and husband and what meal I should cook next. Or the scientist who dedicates her life to finding cures for diseases. The coder whose only love are numbers and formulas on the screen. Or I could be the adventurer who's nowhere and everywhere at the same time, so fickle, more so than loyalty and love- present now, gone tomorrow. So may things I could be and so many things I want to do- only to end up doing nothing at all.

I only love you when the lights are out. I only love you when the lights are out, and you can't see my face. And our fingers can't reach possibly find me in the dark. Here, no one sees us. No one knows us. I can so easily disappear like the darkness you allow me to indulge in. And you? You still remain there where I last left you. In the same spot. The same face. The same hopeful look in your eyes. But my love? I only love when the lights are out and you can't see that my body bears no soul and my eyes don't shine when our bodies are joined. My lips make no sound as I find solace in your body.I love when the lights are out, and I can easily hide, and you won't cry after having to accept the fact there's no one there when you call out my name. I'm nothing but flesh and bones. Deteriorating. Disappearing.
          But isn't that enough? I tell you to call out sometimes. To shout. Shout to me. Tell me how much you love me. Scream my name. Maybe it can reach me. Somewhere within the nooks and crannies of hell that I've crawled into.
          Because my love, I'll only love you when the lights are out. When I can't see your face and come face to face with the fact you and my mother have something in common.You both are foolish enough to believe you can save broken men with empty bodies and lost souls.
          And I'm none other than my father's son. A disaster in the making. Loathing my own existence, waiting the moment I show that I share a monster's blood.
          But my love? I only love you when the lights are out. If I ever grow teeth to sink into your fragile body and tear out your supple flesh, maybe the darkness will save you, keep you out of my reach. When disaster comes and I turn into what he told me I'd become.
          Please call out to me. Scream my name. Tell me how much you love me. Tell me how much you love me, if it ever pierces through and reaches me. if I ever hear you.
          I only love you when the lights are out and we're nothing but touches and brief moments and you're not something important.

Me writing a short story where a woman dies every time she remembers her immortal lover and they can only escape the curse if she kills him. 
          Me watching seven deadly sins years later and seeing it’s basically the same aside from the killing maybe. 

Chapter 64 is out now! 
          https://www.patreon.com/posts/sapphire-blue-64-127117155?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=postshare_creator&utm_content=join_link