@ssyreneeeee
Lord if ever bibigyan mo ako ng lalaki in my life, make him patient. so patient dapat ha? kasi i know i could be really too much, and i’m afraid that they couldn't really keep up with me and they’ll just end up leaving me at the end. but pls pls, i want a Jordan in my life. >=< i wanna feel like i’m so loved even tho i could be so avoidant, i just want constant reassurance that i’ll be picked.
miss ko lang ’yung idea niya in my head but gosh knows that if ever he comes back, i won’t take him in. or if i would we’ll just go through the same process we did the first time, i’ll just hurt him. i know i would. pero alam mo ’yun, noon kasi ’pag magcocomplain ako na mabigat ’tong ganito ganyan, may magbubuhat na agad non for me e. i wanna have someone to complain to, kasi it’s getting heavy day by day. and i can’t help myself to open up to arvin & irish, kaai we’re not the kind of persons to really open up our family problems.
i just can’t help but to think what it feels like to be in his arms again :p miss ko nang matawag na baby
GHAD it’s 5 in the morning, no sleep and i’m thinking abt him?
oh good lawd, i have this urge to take Kyle back pero ykw’s holding me back? his friends >-< HAHAHAHAHAH never liked his friends (they’re also my friends ha but nah not anymore) especially his treatment w girls after me LMFAO. i don’t have any probs w that but if u do the things u do to me w other girls, then i ain’t special. what we’ve had wasn’t THAT big of a difference lol.
ILL DUMP HERE MY LETTER FOR HIM. I WROTE THIS W ALL MY HEART.
I’m writing this 10 in the evening, sa labas ng bahay namin, walang kuryente at may bagyo pero walang ulan, I’m just feeling the breeze while thinking of us and what the fuck just happend 8 hours ago and nagkaroon ako ng urge to write this. You’ll probably never see this, this will probably (and I’ll make sure of it) be the last letter I will ever write for you.
Nung unang times na nililigawan mo ako, I don’t know what to feel. Kasi tangina, te we’re not talking for 2 months, probably 3 tapos ibubungad mo sa ’kin love confession? Nung mga time din na ’yun, naghihint ka na sa notes mo na magcoconfess ka, idk pero may gut-feeling ako that it’ll be for me kaya natulog ako ng maaga kasi may part sa ’kin na ayaw ko. Nung nabasa ko ’yung message mo sa ’kin, I was moved. Kasi let’s be real, this is your first time. And gaya ng sinabi mo even tho alam mo na may mali sa ’kin you still shoot your shot, kasi gusto mo ako, you set aside your pride kasi hindi mo na kayang i-contain yung feelings mo. Hindi ko inexpect na magcoconfess ka, ikaw yata ’yung isa sa pinaka torpeng tao na nakilala ko.
’Yung nutrition month thingy, that was when I was such a bitch. Kung si Chris man ‘yung nasabi nun (which just uhh) maybe he skipped the part that I said I loved you, kasi even tho sinasabi ko ‘yung mga bagay na ‘yun (whatever I was said, nakalimutan ko na din hahaha that’s why I told you “kung ano man ‘yan”) hindi ko iniskip ‘yung part na mahal kita. May sinabi pa siya dun na, “Kung hindi ka ready, edi sabihin mo sa kanya, I’m sure he’ll understand.” And I don’t wanna do that. Ayaw kong bawiin ’yung sinabi ko, kasi kahit hindi ako ready maybe someday, baka sa kalagitnaan I’ll realize I can pala, guess what? hahahaha.
(1/3)
PS. (10-06-25) my mom’s looking for you hahaha. even they are disappointed when i told them na hindi mo na ako nililigawan at pinatigil na kita. i can hear their disappointment >< tawang tawa ako kay Caleb kasi sabi niya talaga, “HUUHHH?! SI PUTI?!!?!?” LMFAO. nasasaktan pa para sa ’yo si mama HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. anyways, u look fine. good for you. i wish you all the best in this world, i hope someday we’ll find the friendship we lost and just forget about what happened between us. tho i know, hindi kaya but maybe a miracle will happen and try if we can. idrk kung i wanna talk about it, syempre we never had a proper conversation about us and what happened sa ’tin. lowk don’t wanna talk about it, but i wanna clear your mind you deserve an explanation. i care for you babe. i still do. but u don’t deserve me. u deserve so much better. and that’ll never be me. this will be (PROMISE) the last time i’ll talk about you and us. i also told them (Irish and Arvin) na eto na, this’ll be the first and last.
Last week nung sinabi ko sa ‘yo na tinanong ako ni mama kung boyfriend daw ba kita, ’di ba ang sabi ko sa ’yo dineny kita HAHAHAHAHA. Pero ang sabi ko kay mama nanliligaw ka sa ’kin, the night after that mu dad asked kung ano status natin ang sabi ko nililigawan mo ako. Ang ano lang na kung kailan kilala ka na nila mama at papa dun pa nangyari ’tong ganito. But that’s alright. It happened for a reason. Nahihiya pa ako n’on kasi inaasar nila ako, when in fact ayaw nila ako magbboyfriend. Pero I already told them na FO na tayo HAHAHAHAHA. They’ll get it.
I’m writing this kasi iiwan ko na ’yung nangyari sa ’tin in the past. I’ll move forward na. Nakakahiya man aminin pero October nung nagustuhan kita, October 10 and before mag 1 year I’ll remove my feelings for you. Wala e. Hindi pala talaga. Do you think I’m worth the risk? Thank you, Kyle. Super-duper thank you for being in my life. Thank you for making me feel like I’m super loved. Thank you, baby. This for sure but the next girl you’ll love will be the luckiest girl in the world. Nagawa mo nga akong mahalin ng ganon e, pa’no pa ’yung tamang babae para sa ’yo. I’ll forever keep on praying for you safety and happiness. May the girl after me treat you the way you deserve to be treated, may she love you wholeheartedly for who you are. :))
(5/5)
Kasi hindi ako gano’n. Hindi dahil mahal kita sa ’yo na iikot ang mundo ko. Ganon ka rin dapat. (Para sa ’kin lang ’to ah) I just feel undeserving of your love kasi alam ko we’re not in the same depth. You’re date-to-marry, I’m not. I don’t like the pressure of being with you. Kasi iniisip ko na iniisip mong I see a future with you when I can’t even see my own future. I ain’t bullshitting here, I meant all this. I don’t see a future, I live in the moment, kasi I don’t like being disappointed. If I’ll ever imagine a future with you in it pero at the end wala ka pala, then I’ll have to restart from scratch again. I hate that feeling. Hindi ako for relationship, narealize ko na ’yan even before you. Takot ako sa commitment may avoidant attachment pa ako, holy combo.
I also wanna say thank you nung times na may problema ’yung family ko. You became the only person I could tell that to. You may not realize it, kasi sa behaviour ko na hindi ka nirereplyan pero I was so thankful to God that he gave me you that time. That was my lowest of the low moment and you’re with me. Thank you, Kyle.
(4/5)
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA GUESS WHAT?
im honestly sad. not too sad to be depressed but yk, it’s really really sad how we lost a good chemistry in friendship because we tried to be more than that. :)) my fault.
wala na kami ni kylee! hihi. tho we never dated but pinatigil ko na siya fron courting me. i think magkaaway kami..
istg ones i get an iphone (most probably next year) i’ll post on Instagram everyday as an update...
there’s just sooo many things going on with my life. putangina.
ykw, just earlier from now, i was thinking of inviting him on a “date”, i was even willing to pay. but i’ll go wherever the flow will take me. but fuck this. fuck this shit.