bluewhale▪︎vs▪︎starfish

So the potato plant i planted on oct and harvested it on jan 1 , had no crops - literally not even 1 small potato.. i was so sad *because i told my dad something is wrong with plant and he said he will handle it but no he didnt coz he thought it will stay alive with fertilizer.  Even tho i told him it needs support (he want my hands to get muddy so he didnt let me)* .. then that day of harvest, he saw me sad .. soo he said lets plant another potato for me and he watched Videos on how to care of it .. and today i wanted to check on plant .. my mom was telling me how random waste plants are growing in soil and she daid she removed them .. im gonna cry broo . She removed the plants leaflets of my potato plant T-T . She dont know its potato since she didnt know we planted a potato plant ... my world is collapsing... i dont blame or hate her since there are few random waste plants grow in the soil , she thought its one of them .. but my heart is broken, im so dramatic ik .. its just a lil poor potato aaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh ... im gonna go crazy on the potato research and make sure it atleast is still alive in soil and dump somethings for it be to stronger and also plant another potato..

I passsed my sem 5 .. HURRAY 8.68 GRADE YIIIIPPPPPEEEEE .. LETS FUCKINGG GOOOO .. I THOUGHT .. I WILL FAILL BUT HERE WE AREEEE .. ALSO I GOT FREAKING "O" (BIGGER THAN A+ ) IN 2 SUBJECTS AAAAAAAAAAAAA
          IM SOO FUCKING HAPPY RN 

I HATE PERIODS .. 
          Im in soo much pain rn , just want to rip my uterus and abdomen area out . Im crazy
          
          Well hmm Feb 25? Or 28 ... this is the deadline for me to change .. get better at study . Omg im gonna get my result by the end of jan!! Or feb 1st week . Any way get better at games , get fit (its just when im in periods - my body aces nd bleeding will continue 7 to 9 days and because of this i stop with workout and stuff and when i get back to normal condition...i kinda become lazy and also i should learn to maintain consistency even on periods but do a lighter workout)
          
          I should stop with coffee and tea .. i tracked down how much i drink day to day , the result was im having them every single fucking day , sometimes 2 to 4 per day .. i should get more healthy noo im gonna make myself healthy by end of feb 25 or 28 . Ik it takes months or even years to get healthy considering my health problems .. but when i set my mind on something then i will do it

ITS MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY LETSS GOOOO
          
          21 BABYYY HELLL YEAHHHH
          
          I FEEL LIKE ANCIENT ZOMBIE/MUMMY NOWWW

Song lyrics are repeating faster and faster in my mind..  i cant sleep . Its giving me headache 

Im bad at everything and i mess up things every single time
          Im not good at games --> even if i try to improve , i dont put 100% into improving
          Not good with languages---> i suck and cant even read a single word properly for tomorrow's exam
          Not good at making friends 
          Not good at drawing (coz i stopped)
          Not good at talking and awkward all the time
          Messed up hair (i will-just go bald .. i cant handle looking at my hair fall .. my room is covered with my hairs , i feel like a dog going though its shedding season)  and health is always at it lowest point (i just cant believe i didnt got covid but i stayed home 99.9% soo)
          Not good at handwriting
          Not good at .... i should just stop this and focus on reading and turn off emotions until the exams end 

More few hrs for the exam (day 1 of finals) . I just wanna write it now so that i can sleep .. its 5:16 am and i did all nightout today also yesterday bruh i should had just sleep in ... my left elbow is paining due to weight and pressure while playing games (all night --> gonna yeet the laptop considering i dont have work in it and it will stop me from playing games and my lazy ass wont even bother to take out laptop) plus this is very critical thing like passing the exams and also studying for my entrance exam test which will qualify my grades and stuff so i can join in good clg with cut out (something like that)
          Well i didnt played even when laptop was out in open .. its a coping ig and procrastinating and stress

I had a strong coffee yesterday and today . It isnt the one i usually have everyday  ..  gosh i cant sleep like really . I have finals starting from 19th and this is making me so sad and angry ... my sleep is gonna be messed up for next few days (even tho im gonna pull a all-nighter for exams) . Tbh i should stop drinking coffee :( .. i mean coffee wont save me (focus and being awake) as im getting used to it plus drinking it almost every single day for past few months .. well then from today im gonna stop drinking it and have it once in a while or during exams preparations since i love how it tastes :) 

My mom was away for 2½ days ... today the street dog(tommy) jumped on her lmaoo .. i think tommy missed her but my parents think that he wanna eat a sweet which was in her hands.
          I got a pratical final exam in few hours (starting from today and end on 13)  haven't prepared anything coz of my lazy and there's wasnt a clear indication on what to study and mam told us around night time last night .. so i will start studying now and try my best to prepare for exam hehehe

MY SEM 5 FINALSSS ARE FROM NOVEMBER 19!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
          I BUYED 2 MATERIAL (BOOKS) BUT FUCKING HECK THE INFO IN IT IS PIECE OF SHIT TBH. I KINDA REGRET BUYING THEM BUT STILL HEYY ATLEAST I GOT TO KNOW HOW MUCH AND WHAT HEADINGS ARE NEEDED IN EXAM (not teally , just my coping mechanism :( ) bruh idk how i will pass this sem 5 fucking hell