on hiatus

life update : i got into grad school! still waiting to hear back from several but at least im going to grad school!
          
          told my dad and he kinda just stared at me and nodded and im like “say ‘congratulations’ or ‘good job,’” like im trying to prompt him. and he just goes “chill out.” and i stop and he asks if i got any money from them and whatever and i said we have to wait for fafsa and whatever and then im like “but im going to grad school!” and he just walks away and says “cool,” in a total monotone, ‘i dont give a fuck’ tone. 
          
          so. 
          
          lovely. 
          
          glad i still can’t please my parents, even with this. 

sometimes i get sad thinking about my piano at home. i’m not there to play it anymore :( 

i’m re-reading my fic “teddy bear” and i always forget i’m a good writer lol

hey you beautiful people. 
          
          guess who has finally submitted all of her grad school applications??
          
          ME!!!!
          
          WOOHOOOO!!!!
          
          but more importantly, this means i’ll be starting to update the fics!! give me until around the beginning of december to get back in the swing of things and hopefully i can figure out a good schedule for you all!
          
          i used to role my eyes a few years ago when i read a fic and the author’s note was “i’ve been so busy with college blah blah blah” and i was like how hard can it be?
          
          yeah wtf i literally couldn’t do anything but college. 
          
          but thank you all for your patience! i’m excited to start writing for you guys again! 
          
          love you lots!!

when all you want is your mom but your mom hates you and is ghosting you rn so you’re trying to do everything alone but it’s so hard to do everything alone. 
          
          trying to get work done but i keep crying and my chest is tightening because i just want to talk to her but i cant. 

okay okay okay
          i know everyone wants updates on fics. me too.
          my grad school applications are due on december 1. i should, SHOULD be able to start writing around the december time again.
          things are literally insanely busy and stressful for me. no promises for anything, but i do promise i'm not giving up writing and that i do want to write. it's just that if i write right now i will literally drive myself mad with stress because i have higher priority things that need to be accomplished asap.
          
          i love you all so much i promise. 
          
          i've been reflecting a lot because i started this account when i was 13 and just getting into bts. i wasn't even in high school. i am now in my third year of college, graduating a year early, and applying for grad school.
          
          it's just... insane. truly. i've been through a ton of ups and downs mentally and i'm trying to keep this space as a positive place for me mentally. so it's just going to take a bit of time. trust me, wait for me, i'm trying <333

how is it that i can write 5000+ words in less than an hour about rengoku from motherfing demon slayer, but i cannot for the life of me write 800 words about myself and the last three years of my academic career.

i promise i am trying to work on updates right now, but now is also a super busy time for me. i'm in the middle of applying for grad school (crazy right?) and a bunch of deadlines are coming up. hopefully after december ish i'll be more consistent with updates? 
          i really am sorry and i'm still trying!

its sad that when i’ve been screamed at by my father for playing piano in the house one too many times, now years later i will only play piano if the house is empty. 
          
          the same man that cried and hugged me after i played “hallelujah” on the piano at his mother’s funeral. 

I just want to say I am glad you are still here. Thank you for staying, for being strong. I appreciate you.