schrödinger's cat

It’s been over a year. I feel upset for abandoning writing for so long and now these past few days after the loss of such a loved one broke me down on top of having such a crippling depression on my back for months, years... yet I feel an overwhelming sense of hope and release because I know that it was what he wanted. Writing is a love of mine. The only true one I had, honestly... and thanks to Jonghyun I think it is finally time I embrace it.
          
          Hey, I can’t wait to meet you for the first time because circumstances didn’t allow us to meet in this world. You did well. Thank you for everything.

I haven't been able to write regularly and it's been long overdue. I've had so many obligations since it's my final year of high school and of course, my mental health has come well into play recently. In fact, I've found an even more passionate love for writing because it's an outlet for me. I'll be here a hell of a lot more often. 

I imagine that this storm is the anger, the fear, the bitter emotions you keep enclosed in your heart, those moments the thought of us crosses your mind although the bitter remorse of trying to forget me is out to get you. I want to be the calm after your storm, I want you to feel safe and sound, to find peace and the will to confide in me. I want you to be you. I want to be yours. 

Happiness. What the fuck is happiness? It's basically finding nirvana in your soul, a balance point. A tiny place where you can stop and say, "Yeah, I made it." What will be my nirvana, when I reach all of my goals? Will it be the day when I finish all the items of my bucket list? Certainly not. It will be the day when I can be happy with myself, when I can say, "I have so much more to do, but for the meantime I have accomplished the foundation of my perfect life."