i know you donāt see me how i see you. you see me as a kid and thats okay iāve excepted that a long time ago but i cannot seem to get over you. why? why can i not get you out of my mind? i hate it. i feel crazy. dumb enough to even have these thoughts. iāve grown so much since january 4th - the last time you saw me, the last time you hugged me, the last time we ever really spoke. i shouldnāt like you but i do. i spent 2 years with you in my life but from a distance. then you left. i havenāt seen you in 10 months but today was the first time since you said good bye.
you waved hello to get my attention today. my attention? why? it wasnāt just a wave that was forced because we made eye contact but you made sure i saw you from across the room before putting your hand down. i thought you wouldāve hated me after all the lies she told you. or she didnāt tell you? maybe you have no idea whatās happened since youāve been gone. but how could she not? she hated me at one point why didnāt she tell you? or maybe you donāt care? maybe you know who i am and how iām not not the person she describes. i couldnāt walk up to you though, i was too embarrassed. i didnāt know what you thought of me. and you were with her and her family. or i guess your family? iām happy for you though, you look happy, content.
that was it though. you said goodbye and walked you the door. i couldnāt reply though. i just smiled.
i couldnāt say goodbye again.
