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What are the worst words you could ever hear?
MY CONDOLENCES.
I just heard the worst news a daughter can hear: “Are you the daughter of _______? My condolences, your father has passed away.”
He’s my biological father. My stepfather is the one in the hospital—I got used to calling him “Dad.” My father left my mom and me when I was 7. I hated him ever since, without even knowing why he did it.
When my stepfather came into our lives, he treated me like his own daughter. We were best friends, and my family was finally happy. I forgot about my real father, even though he kept sending letters—I tore them up without even reading them.
I once sent him a letter. I wrote “I hate you” at the end… but now, if only he were still alive. I would give anything to read even one of his letters. I would have known he was going through cancer—that’s why he left us.
A few days ago, I went to the hospital, and his doctor told me he was calling my name in his sleep. That’s when I broke down. It was the first time since I was ten that I truly cried—and I mean really cried.
They had to give me oxygen to calm me down… even though I wished I could die. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt something like this. Something deeper than sadness, deeper than anger… just the desire to die, and to be buried with my father.
I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I just couldn’t talk about it… the pain of losing my father was still too raw. And even now… I will never forget him.
I found out on Tuesday. I don’t know if I’ll be able to keep writing, but I’ll do my best to come back, I promise.
I'm sorry