suptch

Forgor about all the sappy stuff, I'm so excited for the future, yeekaw

suptch

Do I care? or do I want to blend in?   
          should I care, so our interaction meant anything? 
          Do I coddle you to point out my own pain, which I could do without acknowledging? Is it your vindication that you were a "bad" person. that you deserve to stay a "bad" person. 
          
          You win either way, and I can't help that my being feels like it only competes. for your love, your gaze, and with your loneliness even though I know I will always lose to such incorporeal figments.    
          
          You want my forgiveness but I am not an emulsified limpet and I can not forgive what I never had. You are an idea, and it drives you crazy. 
          
          I could do without acknowledging who I was supposed to be to you, in betrayal, in growing, in rebirth.  
          
          I should go.

suptch

Lately, I've been seeing these introspective videos on YouTube with little views, and I have, (this is a strong choice word, but) resentment or disdain for it. but after some monologuing of my own, I came to two conclusions, It's hard to admit when I don't like something and say it simply so. "I don't like this, I don't like that." Another conclusion is that people don't understand themselves as much as they think, and I trust people to understand themselves, which I may have to rectify. 
          
          If you don't understand yourself, how do you conquer that? As if understanding is something to defeat because the only way to get somewhere in that direction is to experience others. We treat understanding so violently, through the pain of ourselves but most of the time through other people. (Maybe it's not pain but a sharp contrast that is shocking and unfamiliar. like when a cow poops for the first time.)
          
          And I'm not going to deny that. I don't like these videos. It's because I think the demographic on some level needs these videos to arrive at some conclusion of themselves. I don't want to say knowing that "being lonely is okay," or "simplicity of an emotion can get you far," is a simple thought, because it is complex. It just makes me frustrated. if I am relatable, then what are you? me? 
          
          Watching these videos, I ask myself. 
          What's wrong with surety of the self when you are young? I misunderstand myself because I try to take and take. I was sure of myself and seeing the seeming age of these people with their simplistic introspections makes me think I did it all wrong. I don't need to be like them. I won't struggle with who I am to myself if it means I don't have to use others.

preciouspearl20

@suptch Strong points here.
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suptch

I know it sounds patronizing or pretentious, especially with the added "if I am relatable, then what are you? me?" but I meant this in general from the perspective of anyone, if relatable was a sentiment instead of the vernacular of Gen-Z culture, then I think they're would be less struggle to overcome the "You vs them" mentality when we get lost in our feelings and make it a catalyst for meandering interaction.
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suptch

When you are young, no, when you are starting out, why do we let people do that, let them make us question who we are?  
            
            People are going to project on existence, and in doing so they muddle another's sense of self while clarifying something for themselves. I do it, you do it, your parents do it. but what gets me, is that it will take a long time before they realize why they do it.  
            
            I trust people to understand themselves and maybe I shouldn't, maybe I should just trust the experience.
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suptch

Sorry guys, I'm in a reclusive creator mode, I will respond eventually but you know how it is, exhaustion and art birthed from trauma, all the over hyped approaches. 
          
          Too comfortable just observing and acknowledging rather than validating. And I haven't felt it in a while.

PorkWithPotatoes

Self care and downtime is important !!
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suptch

Check it! Kimimaro for the profile pic, I don't know if this is controversial but I always felt his death had the same emotional impact as Neji's for me.    Like I never thought Neji was going to die!! like what the helllllllll! I can never get over it! and Kimimaro was going to die anyway.. sigh.  Both are caged by fate.lol.

suptch

Bruh. I did not mean to make a link
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