Your_stepdad_jim

          Freshman year
          Didn't have a girlfriend or a clue
          I was a loser just like you
          Good times would only
          Soar by
          
          I was gross
          As every female would attest
          My sexting was a futile quest
          My little penis was depressed
          He was so lonely
          Poor guy
          
          I was hopeless, hopeless
          I was helpless, helpless
          Every time I walked the hallway I would trip
          I was stagnant and idle
          I was so suicidal and then, then, then
          Then, then, then, then, then
          Then, then, then, then,
          Then I got a Squip
          You got quick?
          Not quick. Squip.
          I've just never heard of it before.
          That's the point. This is some top-secret-can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit.
          It's from Japan
          It's a grey, oblong pill
          Quantum nanotechnology CPU
          The quantum computer in the pill
          Will travel through your blood until
          It implants in your brain and tells you what to do
          So... It's like drugs?
          It's better than drugs, Jeremy.
          It's from Japan
          It's a grey, oblong pill
          Quantum nanotechnology CPU
          The quantum computer in the pill
          Will travel through your blood until
          It implants in your brain and tells you what to do
          It tells you what to do
          
          It's pre-programmed
          It's amazing
          Speaks to you directly
          
          You behave as
          It's appraising
          Helps you act correctly
          
          Helps you to be cool
          Helps you rule
          
          Picture this
          Nobody cares if you are late
          'Cause even teachers think you're great
          Your weekend's just a full-on slate
          Of blowout benders
          Of teenage rockstar splendors
          
          Right now you're helpless, helpless
          You are almost hopeless
          On the school social map you're just a blip
          But if you take my advice and if you
          Pay the listed price, well then you
          Go from sad, to interesting, to hip
          Yeah, your whole life will flip
          When you buy a squip
          
          Hey, yeah, a squip
          Yeah, yeah, a squip
          A-ah a squip
          
          No longer a drip when you've got in your grip
          A squip
          A squip
          A squip