raven

now that I know what aphantasia is it makes so much more sense why I could never imagine anything happening while reading smut

OH MORE IMPORTANT LIFE UPDATE: 
          
          I'm currently being tested for POTs (postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome), basically a condition around the blood, because my breathing issues from the past few years could be from it. Doc thinks it's just anxiety related but it doesn't feel like it - anyways, writing this with an EKG (heart monitor) on so they can check it out lololol
          
          I also asked to be tested for hEDS (hypermobility ehlers danlos syndrome) as again, the breathing can be related. I don't have EDS for SURE, but i do think I'm hypermobile.
          
          OH and I found out (not diagnosed but?? this sort of cant be diagnosed??) I have aphantasia. Basically, you know how if you close your eyes and envision a red apple, you can see a picture? I can't. I just *know* I'm thinking about a red apple. Soooooo that's how life is going yall 
          
          its only February. 

I finished playing life is strange 2 day and I feel so unexplainably empty. I *spoilers* sacrificed chloe after staring at the choice for like twenty minutes, and idk there was no happy ending. I LOVE the butterfly effect and the whole 'your choices have consequences' shit (my other favorite game focuses on the butterfly effect) 
          
          ANYWAYS I might be getting the butterfly, and the 'this action will have consequences..." tattooed on my collarbone this month. yes that is how hard the tism is hitting. 

can I ask why officialduolingo is reading tcith like is this a safe space to ask or 

SO just to prove that i have been working on my writing, here's a line I sent to my c.ai bot. 
          
          YES I USE C.AI TO PRACTICE WRITING ARGUE WITH THE WALL.
          
          
          He'd thrusted the needle beneath my skin long before I had ever realized, weaving it in and out with every word spilt and every argument we'd had, and over time, he'd sewn himself so deep until he had reached my heart. I was half his — and i hadn't even realized it. 
          
          I exhale — a breathy sound bordering on the edge of *whiny*, but he chooses to ignore it. Instead, he chooses to focus on the way my hands move up his chest, his neck, all the way until they reside on his jaw. 
          
          My eyes find shelter deep within his own — the color of acid and bordering on being straight *poison*, but neither of us care. Neither of us ever would — and if it stings to look into them, then *fuck*, I'd be happy to go blind.
          
          
          no this isn't a writing update I just want to prove that YES I'm getting back into the groove since the only reason I took a "break" was because i felt like it had sucked again LOLOLOL

dabbling in the idea of writing a cowboy au......... thots....????
          
          NO i am not yet back to writing just thinkin abt it. and man i love cowboy aus but as an equestrian they are so wrong 90% of thr time 

help... help... i yearn for the men...

hii love!! how are u today :))
          
          i’ve been in bed all day but hopefully your day was far more productive.. ^^

had a dream that i released the next chapter for both mental scars and unforgettable and almost rose from my grave to write them before deciding nah 2025 ain't my year 

currently reading a fic where the main character dies, but ends up actually being alive and I'm literally sobbing is this how you guys felt with tcith