I just want to start by saying I genuinely love the characters , they’re really well done and kept me invested. I believe the primary issue for me was that the storyline felt somewhat overwhelming at times. Perhaps if it had been a bit simpler and more streamlined, the connections between the various elements would have been clearer.
I completely respect that it’s your work and your vision, I’m not trying to sound rude or negative. I also noticed a few minor mistakes here and there, but overall I really do love the story, it just feels like it has the potential to be even stronger with a bit more clarity. Simplifying things and tightening the writing would make it even easier to read. Overall though, I really did enjoy it. Just sharing my perspective as a reader