I just really want someone to genuinely care about me. Not family but like a partner, but every time I get a possible opportunity they aren't my type or I'm so focused on how ill look if I date them that I get scared and push them away. It doesn't help that I push everyone way if they get to close even if I somehow mange to overshare about my personal life, but I guess I just have to like you for that. So how do I get a close connection if I won't let it happen? It's cost me friendships, relationships, and I have to keep secrets and I still over share. I live in fear somedays that my secrets will be spilled by someone else and I'll get in trouble. Of the right people found out I could loose my friends, I over share with others and keep secrets from more. How. How do I do that? Shouldn't it be one or the other? My personality is all over the place and I feel like I seem pathetic or overly concerned with myself for saying anything, to some, and everything I make comments about myself I feel like I'm making all about me. But if I don't say anything, they'll forget about me.
Sorry for ranting. This is my only platform without personal friends on it, and I don't care if anyone sees it. I just felt like saying it to someone who won't judge.
