*hand guns* Hey, are you a mop ? Cause you swept me off the ground

 *puts my hand on my forehead and falls dramatically while an orchestra plays in the background*

Sarcasm and comebacks are two of the free services I offer. I can be really dramatic. 

*sways my hips and sexy slow mo hairflip* Always expect the unexpected

My favorite book is Shakespeare Insult Booklet.
You illiterate loiterer. Ill eyed vulture. Fucking swine. 

When I'll die, I want you to bring my ashes to Greece and pour them in Athena's temple so that I can go back to my mother

I'm just getting a mental image of an 80's guy in sunglasses saying check ya later baby and see ya on the flip side.

But really, purposefully trying to be cool is never cool.