𝒅𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒉~

Merry Christmas whores

I'm usless I know that it so hard for me to focused and my work and I know why it's because of trauma. I work so hard and all I get was more and more trauma to the face. That's all I get. I screamed to let me work but no one listened so when I started to lose focused I was scared scared of asking for help since asking for help or even crying out pain didn't help it only made it worse. I'm sick of life it fucked me over. I thank for the small moments of pleasure I had. But I'm tired and sick I hope I don't wake up to face other day. 

I don't know, but this might just be my finally cry for help. Help, I don't wish to be honest. I feel my body giving up on me. I feel everything is painful. I'm so sick and tried of being some better kid. I am so sick and tried. I know who this happened or that happened. I'm just so confused in my head that I can't with it anymore. I don't know what I want, and I think I don't think I will be enough to make people content anymore. I'm so tired of so hard to move anymore. I'm so sick and tired of worrying people I'm. So this might be my final note. I'm sorry to my friends. I'm sorry to my parents. I could never have been that child you wanted. I know I'm just hurting others, but to me, this is my relief in life. This is my salvation to escape it all. I don't know what to do anymore than cry and be a pity to myself. I'm a loser and a horrible person. I don't know why people like me. I hurt and hurt with feelings I don't understand. So I'm sorry to all those I made friends with. I don't enjoy my life anymore. 
          
          So I'm sorry. But thank me for being free. 
          It hurts and I'm scared. 

Bird in a cage! ♡
          You can buy or adopt a bird in a cage!
          Pretty colors, some talk or do tricks!
          You can teach them as well.
          But be careful of wat you say beacuse birds are like a mockingbird...!
          You can have just for show...in your house...or something to talk about with others...
          The bird doesn't have feelings it isn't human. Of course, how silly to think that!
          So let it out or keep it in its cage it doesn't matter!
          The bird can stay and play!
          After all, birds in a cage are more pretty than letting them learn ♡
          Play and play until the bird never knows what to expect than the cage. But it's ok, you bought it. 
          You know best, you always know best. 
          So play and scream the bird doesn't feel. 
          No sighs of backing away or rejection. 
          Just play and play like the toy it's. 
          But, once it's dead, then you regret it. 
          The bird always is the pet. 
          

Im human?
          I bear the flesh and bones of a human. 
          The blood pouring out my body and in my vains. 
          But I don't feel human...?
          I wake up and sleep, eat, and drink like a human. 
          I force and force myself to try and fit in, trying to do better for myself every day.
          Talk to others like humans. 
          But I don't feel human....
          I wake up and... bear the life as a human...as I wonder when the next day would be my last because I'm a human and I wait for death faster than others.
          When death takes me. 
          Then I feel human like the others....
          Then I feel human. 
          Not when I'm talking to my family or playing games.
          When death takes me then I feel human with the sick emotions I have....

Merry Christmas whores.

Tw. Ed? Down sprial once more.
          ((Bad thoughts agian))
          ☆
          " Why does it hurt?
          Is it not supposed to hurt?
          By why, anytime I hear it, it makes my stomach turn.
          It makes me sick like every time it comes up.
          I know the truth, and it makes me sick as much as I want it.
           It makes my stomach ack and not wanting to eat anymore.
          It hurt, and I feel sick. 
          When will it stop? 
          When I'm dead,"

A dog
          A dog is a man's best friend
          A dog is loyal, and you can trust them.
          A dog is willing to stick by your side
          But not all have a dog to have a dog
          Some have a dog just because they have a dog
          A god just for show.
          A dog just to say oh look! I'm something as well.
          A trick or two, then you leave it alone.
          A dog?
          Is that what I'm to you?

Tw? Disgusting(?) Depression? Trauma. 
          My room
           I love my room, it so nice and cozy, I love to sleep in my bed. I love to watch the TV of the comfort of my bed.
          It's so comfy I could sleep all day,
          I watch as the plates and chip bags fill up.
          I watch as bottles and clothing left on my counter and floors waiting to be packed up ot throw away.
          But that's ok it's my room. 
          My comfort that I stay in.
          I listen to my parents come into my room as they talk...
          I listened to my mother speak words I never want to hear or should know.
          But that's ok I stay in my room.
          Because my room doesn't so any wrong. 
          I don't have to talk to anyone in my room. 
          Mabye a bit longer and it could just be me and my room alone...

Life
          Life is weird isn't it...?
          One minute we can be awake the next sleeping
          One day alive the next dead
          Sometimes Life so tricky it's painful. 
          Someday I wish to say in my comforts of my bed. 
          But that just other thing about life uh?
          To indulge yourself till death. 
          To fill a small blank in the world then disappear. 
          The same thing everyday till something change. 
          Life is strange isn't it?