Have you every tried to be happy in front of everyone but once you are really just a weak person and you feel like crying every moment of the day because someone made you feel that way. Are you broken inside that no matter how happy you appear on the outside you can never be fixed. So far deep down in that well of despair that no rope will ever reach you. Have you ever been called useless or pathetic. Have you been mentally beat up that you don't feel like putting that happy mask on?
Most of my life well basically all mine from the age 6 to now I have felt that way. I seclude myself in a bubble trying to make myself feel better. It doesn't really work. I have been called Heartless, Soulless, worthless and pathetic, I have even been told 'you will never get married have have anything that will live because the only thing you care about is yourself and you really shouldn't care about life' I was 6 1/2 the first time I attempted suicide. Since I have been growing up I have thought about how if I would of followed through with that I would be happy and would of not of had to deal with the feeling of being worthless or the jerks that surround me. After I have been labeled as heartless I have felt that way. Every time someone is rude to me I pretend that it doesn't faze me but I go home and all I want to do is cry. If my family saw me that way they would hunt down the person that made me feel that way. I try to center the world around me because if I didn't I would be hurt worse. I also never forget my hardships. It still feels like yesterday that my father was arrested. I was 4-5ish. I still remember where I stood that day and it wasn't even that traumatic. But what I guess I'm trying to say is if you want to talk to someone you can come to me because I will listen even though I'm 'self-centered' but really I'll try my best to help you. And remember even if you are dying inside your smile could help someone that feels the same way.
