“Oh, congratulations, you’re having a baby? Great. Couple things… We’re gonna need you to get that car accident of a body back to work as soon as possible, because this is America and we don’t think you need time to recover. Also, you should breastfeed. It’s what’s best for the baby. But don’t do it in public, you pig. Do it in the old janitor’s closet underneath the bridge with the rest of the breastfeeding trolls. And don’t ask to take time off from work when your kids are sick. We’ll think you’re not dedicated. Also, why are you such a bad mom? By the way, your salary is just enough to cover the cost of childcare. And we know you’re exhausted and you don’t really know who you are anymore, and you’re trying to balance your old life and your new life, but, quick, go have sex with your husband! He’s about to leave! He doesn’t understand what you’re going through! Quick, go now! And, sweetie, smile!” -michelle wolf