thefablecollector

Woohoo big 18 today, never thought I'd make it this far but I did. Literally such a slay

thefablecollector

I had my first panic attack at work today, I've only been there two months and I'd just had a bad day. Everyone's been so patient with me and so nice but this was exactly what I was afraid of. I hate public breakdowns the most because people always ask me if I'm ok but I really struggle to talk afterwards because I used to have a pretty severe nervous stutter which I was bullied into getting rid of so now my speech just comes out super fragmented when I'm upset which makes my anxiety even worse.
          I sat in the backroom onthe floor for about an hour of my four hour shift just trying to catch my breath and I feel so useless.
          
          I'm not sure why I'm trauma dumping here again but I guess I like the anonymity.

thefablecollector

I've begun posting on AO3!! If you want to read  Skin & Bones (a hurt/comfort dabihawks band au with a lot of Todoroki family) it's ghostcat69 on  AO3! This is actually such a big thing for me and I'm super excited, the thirds chapter is just out. :)

thefablecollector

Ooh also life update for anyone who cares, I'm now proud and out as pansexual and have been for probably around a year, I have a flag and it's so sexy. Coming out was pretty traumatising tho and it really damaged my trust in my mother for a bit, however my dad and my siblings couldn't care less.
          I'm in the process of coming out as genderfluid, I've been out to my little cousin who's trans-masc and some of my close friends for a while now but it's getting really tiring to hide and I cba.
          
          Also I have a cat, not sure how that's relevant but it is.

thefablecollector

Pfft, I really did turn this into my personal ranting page lol.
          I'm gonna keep them all up though bc why not. 
          Seriously just ignore anything said below this message I'm depressed, gay, and mentally ill like everyone else in this hellhole.
          I hate looking back to when I thought I was cis, I was so confused and sad... 
          I'm still pretty confused and sad but atleast now I dress cooler and have short hair.
          
          Anyways stay fabulous and have a wonderful life you sexy little trash-goblins 
          
          ~love, an apathetic jackass

thefablecollector

Help I'm turning seventeen in like a week and I'm gonna have to get a job and learn to drive.
          Like I literally spend all my free time simping over fictional characters and feeling dead inside, and now they want me to control a death machine and be an adult. No thank you, I decline your offer. I just wanna sit in my room all day and be gay, is that too much to ask.
          Not to mention that I'm definitely not passing my A-levels, burnout gifted kid thingz, I literally peaked at twelve and can't be arsed about school anymore.

thefablecollector

Hi I'm just sort of venting again.
          
          It's just my mental health has been really bad recently and I've taken to punching my skin until it bruises and jagging my nails into my skin.
          I self diagnosed myself with anxiety and maybe depression because I don't like talking about it with people.
          I haven't spoken to some of my friends and they're leaving me out of things and really they're one of my only lifelines and I don't know what I'm going to do without them.
          I thought about suicide but I don't think I could ever leave my dog and I know that sounds stupid but he means too much to me to ever leave alone.
          
          My relationship's gotten much better with my parents and for a while everything seemed ok.
          
          Everything just feels so complicated, I'm a highly sensitive person anyway but with Covid and school I just feel like I'm so scared all the time, like I'm on the edge of a cliff and if anything else happens that's me gone.

thefablecollector

My mum said the f slur then tried to argue when I told her it was an offensive term, which I hate.
          
          But on another note though, she's started using "boyfriend or girlfriend" when talking about me or my sisters future partners now which is a huge step up from where she used to be.
          I think she's catching on but she needs to learn that she can't just pick and choose who she accepts.