I haven't been on this account in years, but I logged in to read through my old, archived One Direction fanfictions - including a Liam one I remember writing.
There's so much to say, but I can't put it into words. It doesn't just feel like 'a celebrity has died', it feels like I've lost a friend.
I owe some of the best years of my life to the One Direction boys. They've shaped me as a person in more ways that most people could comprehend. As I've grown up and life changes - things like I've stopped posting on my fan account several years ago and no longer write fanfiction anymore, I've still always felt like they were close. Like old friends I just haven't seen in a while, but the love's always been right there; it's such an important, fundamental part of me.
Only a few weeks ago I found all my One Direction memorabilia as we're getting ready to move house, and I pulled my Liam cardboard cutout out of the garage and I have this thing with my parents where I keep hiding it in different rooms to make them jump. I was listening to their music a lot this year to help me through a really intense grief that I'm still struggling with. Although I'm not always able to say what country they're in, or listening to all of their songs every day, or watching every single interview like I did when I was younger, I still love them with as much depth and passion as when I was 13.
And so the news of Liam's passing has had such a profound impact on my heart.
Liam, thank you for the best years of my life. In every memory, you were there. You changed my life in 2010, and you've been a part of it ever since. I met so many people, made so many friends, and had some of the best experiences because of One Direction. I'm forever grateful - more than I could begin to explain.
My heart goes out to Louis, Zayn, Niall, and Harry - who I love just as tremendously as I always have done (and always will).
And you, Liam. I love you. So much. Forever.
