searcher

I'M SO MAD
          My boyfriend is ignoring me
          I don't even know if I should call him that anymore
          shit is pissing me off
          I did NOTHING to him
          actually.

a small token of kindness [ 17th september 2025, wednesday ] 
          
          broken fury, dead incitement, delirium stitched in emotions. yearning winds, fanning destructions, branches that bury their homelands. 
          
          systemic disorientations, horrors owed to joys that bleed. mysterious differences, confusions constructed, alarms that ring but souls that refuse to awaken. 
          
          blaring conquerors, forgotten tunnels, coffee cooling beside unmade dread. thrumming fingertips, raging purposes, metamorphosis: humans crawling, carrying everyday banters. 
          
          the sun with a thousand eyes, the night with hidden crimes, feathers drowned in poet's ink. sorrows of lyrics, wings lost in the blue, life that feeds one melancholy, souls distilling it into hope. 
           #adropofhumanity

a small token of kindness [ 09th september 2025, tuesday ] 
          
          a round table, 
          a conference of triangles, 
          fortitude or servitude?
          a decision to be sought. 
          pages of emotions 
          and binders of spiral thoughts, 
          moon's decorum splintered
          in the group aubade. 
          
          hollowed warrior first, 
          stepped and stood upon, 
          soundless glare
          with edges bruised. 
          happiness arid, 
          interrogation drying, 
          forts and castles 
          over murdered merits.
          and then a joy—
          foreign and known—
          repenting its birth. 
          
          mind of the crumbs, 
          heart of the loaves.
          no trek can trample
          the path of a trickster. 
          a lone chill, a surrounded cry, 
          traces of impulses
          in the fireplace of life. 
          
          a wardrobe of escape, 
          mumbling telephones.
          rotten tales and
          tatters of the pretenders. 
          guests excused, 
          world locked-up, 
          and again—
          the uncaring rouse
          protects to betray.
          the sky of memory 
          chokes
          the birds of today,
            like fluttering sage. 
          oh souls of flesh, 
          how similar are thoust— 
          from one to another— 
          you migrate in your palm. 
           #adropofhumanity 

GUYS I EMAILED GIANNI MATRAGRANO AND HE RESPONDED TO ME AAAAAAAAAAAA

a small token of kindness [ 01st september, 2025 — monday] 
          
          words plated in heirlooms, heavy with light,
          tinkling cuts, dazzling wounds —
          weaponry forged from childhood gloom,
          wars cradled in a mother’s stolen womb. 
          
          windmills bow above folded clothes,
          grandmother’s peach crumble cooling on the sill.
          cottages lean, tethered with ghosts —
          growth a gamble, memory the wager. 
          
          tender hearts rest in greasy hands,
          coloured proses, begotten rhyme.
          measuring the gaps of fleeting hours,
          tidy rooms against the storm of rest. 
          
          roads of chemicals, an age of hearts,
          souls displaced, refugees of home.
          effervescence rushes, skeletons mist-bound —
          a tale as old as precedents. 
          
          labyrinthine dashes, nuance permitted,
          olives of faith, olives betrayed.
          a marathon — glass slippers sublime —
          and all of life becomes a floor for dancing,
          a garden for incitement,
          a bloom pressed against time. 
           #adropofhumanity 

how come no one's active on here anymoreeeeeeeeeee

HEY HEY I'M ALIVE YOU GUYS

a token of kindness [ 24th august, 2025 — sunday ] 
          
          where comes the chaos? soar and sin, the culprit,
          from the lodging inns. surrendered and sought,
          beavering, bold— a little of the timid, a lot of the known. 
          
          swinging with pride, doors left unknocked,
          a guest invited under intoxication’s hold.
          forging, jeopardising, guided by homely apple-pie servings; bruised words swept beneath the rug of humility. 
          
          barks and bellows, odours, open wounds,
          entangled chairs and a single creaking move.
          whisper, then wait, tremors that carry
          a mouth of screams— beginning and dying
          in a parched throat. 
          
          kalopsia and kites— a guest like ropeburn,
          pricking like wine. mindful maps, mindless routes,
          sanctuaries like lies that bury the truth.
          shadows stumble, shoes fade—
          a blessing strikes a menace, transforming a paper cut into a prayer. 
           #adropofhumanity 

a token of kindness [ 18th august 2025, monday ] 
          
          "green and gold, bumblebees and blooms, notorious affairs of the innocent homes; half of wounds are entombed in windy trails, while the remaining lie maimed in terraces aged. 
          
          eye and a wisdom tooth, bear and tear, wavelets of death caressing the feeble veil; garbled silences in pictures hung, hung were the joys of the crusted youth. keepsakes assignable, september — a bright shy; one step of risk, one step of ice. 
          
          cliffs and cuts that swallow the shore, earth is an art with its slinky tides and falling feathers; rhythm and rhyme mold the blood, like granules of sand that recognise a home in your skin. 
          
           liquor and tea, a prison and a poison; every scream becomes a rotten whisper. quite a wonder, the heart one carries with pride, the same which injures the soul — punished with suffocation behind clasping ribs, where it beats and beats, severing its rest."
           #adropofhumanity 

my day has turned to fucking ☆SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT☆
          
          
          TW: self-hate, hating myself bc I feel like I can't stop myself from becoming the type of dirtbag I hate the most: a fucking abuser.
          my mom took my headphones away bc i'm not supposed to have them and made my stress worse
          and i'm the asshole
          i'm the one who's turning into an abuser, gaslighting my mom and brother, blaming them for things that happen on my accord
          i hate this i hate this i hate myself i hate everything
          my friend who's like a brother to me called and i wanted to talk to him but she heard me talking and was like "I tHoUgHt YoU wAnTeD tO dO yOuR hOmEwOrK sO bAd" "we wanted to spend time with you and you brush us off and stay on the chromebook for hours for three days and waste all our time"
          "we wanted YOUR company"
          
          and what do i do
          i talk rude
          "your name isn't denari"
          it is now bitch cause i like it
          these are MY fucking headphones
          i have the noise cancelling headphones on atm to calm down and cried silently twice
          my two jax plushies (the official one, bought for me by my grandma, and a crocheted one from my mom) are keeping me company
          
          what a fucking loser I am
          she gave me life
          she gives me everything
          and I'm nothing but a dick
          
          my brother wants nothing more than to hang out with me and gives nothing but love to me
          and I push him away
          
          and my dad...I love spending time with him
          but for some reason I push my mom and brother away more
          I don't know why...
          maybe it's because they're both on my ass about things more than my dad, which could explain why I'm more chill
          but my dad is a patient man
          when he's on his last nerve, it can be scary
          he yells only when he's at his limit, he prefers not to yell
          he yelled today
          I yelled today
          Mom yelled today
          Max yelled today
          My cat just did her own thing as always
          
          and I fucked up again like I always do
          I'm not looking for a pity party
          I'm just venting and looking for help to prevent me from going down a shitty path that would make everyone hate me