Idk if anyone would read this but I bottled up for too long as I have no one to share things with and I gotta rant here as a stranger.The person who I used to talk to everyday for 2years decided to abandon me coz life happened ig?but I didn't get a closure,now they are on socials but doesn't seem to care enough to text me,that aside while I'm still trying to move on from the absence of my platonic bestfriend,I was half way thru completing my vivas and then I got a call back from home that my grandpa passed away, my final exams were a few days later but I didn't care abt passing them,I remember being all alone at my dorms after returning from college,I cried so hard and I had palpitations,pretty sure my neighbours heard me,I miss my grandpa so much :((
He was so loving and was always proud of me,would call me his angel as I helped him sometimes.He would always greet me with good morning/good night,I think not many people would find it as endearing as I do,more so after I lost him,I realised how precious those moments are.It all hurts too much and I started binge eating/ stress eating,I gained weight,I do feel immense rage when some one body shames me cause they don't know what's happening in my life,I know I should start being productive again but it's easier said than done,it would have been a bit better if I had my bestfriend with me but life said no.
Having someone who loves u and cares abt u makes u love urself and now that I don't have someone special,I don't like myself anymore,I often hate my own reflection,not just physically but also mentally. Bangtan still helps me when the hate gets too much to handle,no one really stayed like bangtan does so I'm really grateful for them.Idts that non-armys would really ever get how important the boys have been to us,how they healed something they never broke and how they are literally reason some people are still breathing, alive.
