toi_meme

i want no one but the version of him i created in my mind

toi_meme

a year ago today i took you through the park and the winter sun was in the leaves. i was eighteen and had my whole life ahead of me. now i'm nighteen and the suns sets at 4pm. And you're not there, I'm gone.

toi_meme

this message may be offensive 
I had to walk fifteen minutes just to see you. You and your stupid appartment filled with Beatles posters and wooden secondhand furnitures. Your record collection i didn't give a shit about.
             I had to take the subway for another twenty minutes to see our comrades who made me want to live. And their stupid room filled with campaing posters and all the books of Lenin.
• Reply

toi_meme

je fais souvent le rêve 
          que je te parle et que tu n'écoutes pas
          alors j'en reviens pas,  je me mets à crier parce que c'est important
          et c'est comme si tu n'entendais pas
          je vois pas pourquoi je te montrerai mes racines pourries 
          mes blessures toutes petites sur ma cuisse
          si c'est pour que tu ne m'entendes pas
          qu'alors je décide de partir parce que j'aurai pas le choix

toi_meme

I wanted help with my backpack and i wanted lingerie under the tree, remember ? my baby little kitten got me red lingerie and even carried my backpack. he got me a candle light because he knows it gets darks when there's no screen shinning. Oh, but I sure wished he stayed the whole time. 
          I sure wish he kept on kissing my face while he could and while tears were coming down. 
          
          I wrote him a big text like those I used to write in Vietnam. Oh I was an insecure bitch, in Vietnam. I always was, still am. He's not answering and it's been hours so I've deleted it. 
          
          Is it different, is it genuine ? 
          
          Is it true, this time ? 
          
          Can I trust him not to hurt me ? To kiss every tear off my face, even when they keep on coming ? 
          I wish for trust but I've let the shower fall while I struggled to get any blood out of my flesh really. He cried when he found out but I'd do it again