寒

i realized that i don't hate her or being around her, it's my antisocial side that takes over. i hate being around people for too much time and I'm always forcing a smile and pretending to be interested, but i really am not.
          i hate myself

i don't know what's wrong with me.. I'm supposed to be happy but I'm not, why am i so complicated huh

tomorrow I'm going to be smelling the first holiday fresh air for ten months.. and i don't know how am i supposed to feel

why don't i have true friends that actually care about me and how I'm doing, that ask about my day and pray for me and just love me back as i love them! why is it so hard to find someone like this these days? I'm sick of pretending that i have friends who love me and care while i truly don't have anyone and nobody cares about my existence..

tomorrow is gonna be HARD

two more exams, bear with me @my sanity

why don't i disappear already huh?

i hope that someday i will be able to open up about my mental health issues with people who're close to me , and that they would understand how hard it is for me and how serious it is. i think i will carry this heavy feeling in my heart until that day comes.. 

oo suicidal thoughts know exactly when to take over and ruin me

i don't really know when exactly did depression and anxiety and this loneliness took over me
          
          maybe they did for along time but i couldn't see it quite well.
           does anybody even care about my existence or my wel being? did anybody care at all about anything?