local alien across the street

for the past week ive been shitting on Cougar. ive taken so many screenshots it kinda makes me feel like the weirdo. even though he's in the wrong. the fact that nobody listened to me when i was staying that his thumbnails and shit were weird nobody listened to me even though it was the one thing that made the most sense to me at the time. ive written a doc about Cougar, screencaptured him supporting a lewd gesture said by a minor and have made no many memes i feel 100% retarded. a part of me is relieved that someone in a position to stand up to him did though. iunno.
          
          makes me more motivated to work on tanova related stories..... the acidity oneshot and oneshot book... the alternate nova storyline where fnf stuff is relevant.... the emerald secret ripoff i wanted to use to spite cougar ruining nikusa x tabi for me and others... iunno. seems like the most emotion i feel nowadays is spite and hate. i feel pathetic even though we won.

also... apparently really crumby people are looking up to me and my work so... that's just lovely :(
          yet again, they're scraping the bottom of the barrel by looking up to me lol. im literally a trans boyfailure who does low-end fnf modding, writes about old men fucking and draws women kissing 
          
          speaking of writing.
          ive decided to start working on a new fluffshot book alongside Say My Name. still fixing a few things around the edges but it'll be good to go once it's revision finished (just because of how old it is, my writing has improved and SMN deserves everything, its the one thing ivecreated that consistently gets added to lists and gets stars :>

i fuckin hate the fact that my choices are limited to moving or being a total gym rat the moment this full-time term is over. i love my gym but i don't have a job/get commissioned enough to pay for it and i was forced to sign up for it. i also wanna go to the library to study and draw in a quieter space at times. in general, i fucking hate being stuck in the house and need to get out but gas prices are fucking awful rn :/

ima just use this as a somewhat public diary since i feel like it's impossible to vent with people one on one and i don't feel like managing three different twitter accounts so... yeah
          
          also anyone hardly reads these pages anyway, nobody gives a shit so whatever.
          
          at least im using the app again, hopefully i'll be able to correctly finish my stories a day maybe make new ones again
          
          the less i wrote the worse my mental state got so... here it goes. ig this is my Nikki Maxwell arc.

i am once again apologizing for being so inactive and not updating Say My Name all this time. life has been beyond chaotically and royally fucked lately and its not gonna get any better. i lost my damn login and took me forever to recover it buuuut here i am now. i have wattpad on my new phone and i'll hopefully be able to chip off a few chapters in the near future ^^
          
          have a good evening.

its been two months since my last announcement so im gonna explain why i havent been able to update let alone finish Say My Name. you guys deserve an explanation anyway since i havent updated the fic in over a year so im gonna keep it simple.
          
          i havent passed a single college exam and my parents are trying to move all of us to a highly rural area out of the blue and my mother is afraid to be in the city alone while dad is away. she even found a job for me if we go through with the move. before both of my parents decided to suddenly obsess over me staying with them instead of moving out like i originally intended (while up until mid-last year, they threatened to kick me out regardless of if i was financially able to make it on my own). i'm in no mood to change my car insurance and exchange bank accounts for the third time this year just because its "feasible" and "there are more art opportunities in the area". not even the moment i gave up on looking for places for selling physical art and NOW they're obsessed with my work and putting my work into stores or whatever. so yeah thats happening, huge eyeroll.
          
          my physical, mental and spiritual health has been at the lowest i've ever gotten in my life. i cant hardly bring myself to praying and meditating anymore, my mind is always racing and overthinking and very very foggy when i try to remember things. i've also had quite repetitive and disturbing dreams so sometimes its a lil scary to fall asleep.
          
          FNF modding is taking up all of my free time. im about to just archive half of the Lunar Lucidities assets and reuse them for an Infectious Invitations glow up. then i leave. i dont want to be a quitter but several mod devs i've conversed with have ghosted me or have grown toxic and unpleasant to talk to. theres only really a handful of people from that community that i enjoy talking to but i feel like no matter how hard i try to keep a friendship, i drift regardless.
          
          i swear i will come back when i'm mentally well again.

i swear im cooking things for Say My Name. i was supposed to release another chapter a long with the updated book cover but it turns out my study app was set to the wrong course. when i finish the story, im rewriting it mostly to fix some grammar/spelling errors and whatnot. i intend to print the fic and bind it since it's one of my most successful passion works. thank you guys so much for supporting it over the years 

dear Tanova (Tabi x Nova) fans: the ship isn't dead, i'm just taking a break from writing it (im taking a break from writing in general, Say My Name and Hunch Dealers is also halted for now bc of my exams. i have more in store than just a couple new chapters ;))

i've decided a while back that i declare war on an unnamed individual.
          
          stay strapped and get your popcorn. rejoice y'all, Say My Name is almost here.

hey so funny story, there's gonna be written versions of Hunch Dealers and The Nova Chronicles posted here. dont ask why this is just the way i'm doing shit. no, i'm not cancelling the comic strips, still writing a few other things out. still shuffling through modwork, things are getting rough with my anxiety but i think its starting to get better again.