تَهْوِيدَةٌ خَرْسَاءْ ♠

feel my heart is getting lost
          Being myself is painful    
           PMTMP

It's all in your head,
          Just a trick of the mind.
          So don't dare to cry,
          Don't dare to hide.
          Look deep in your eyes,
          Nothing there to terrify.
          It's not even real,
          It's not even near.
          So don't dare to cry,
          Don't dare to hide.

في لحظات كتلك تتساوى رغبتك بالتخلي عن كل شيء مع رغبتك بالتمسك بأي شيء...
          

          
          Please don’t leave me halfway; it feels misty and dark.
          I’m terrified, and I know you are too.
          But I want to live a little longer—I’m sorry.
          I know I’m selfish, but please bear with my last wish.
          
          I understand why you hated me; I hate me too.
          Guilt drowns me, choking my voice with dirt.
          There’s no need to hold my hand or comfort me.
          I only ask that you walk by my side and stay.
          
          It may sound pointless, but let me keep walking beside you
          until the last beat of my heart.
          
          

لا اريد ان أنظر للعالم
          لا اريد للعالم أن ينظر لي
          لا أريد أن أنظر لنفسي....
          لذلك قطعت كل الصحف
          أغلقت كل النوافذ
          و هشمت كل المرايا 
          الان لا أنظر لشيء و لاشيء ينظر لي
            

Do you even know you're falling...?

I've been crying over this line of Mitski saying :
          I don't need the world to see
          That I've been the best I can be, but
          I don't think I could stand to be
          Where you don't see me

It seems like every attempt I make to show myself more love only deepens the well of self-loathing within me.

What if I'm late?
          I'm not in a race,
          I'm just trying to find peace
          Even in my darkest nights.
          Maybe I'm not the one for you,
          But for me, I'm enough.
          For me, I'm fully someone,
          With no need to be defined.

What is wrong with longing for a life of freedom, and what is wrong with refusing to be silenced?