⠀

/ so sorry this is ten years late!! some context here but during this time max is going through a lot mentally, and bc he doesn’t know how to cope or where he stands in the world he takes it out on other people and has made his “purpose” at this time to make people feel as confused as he feels, as bad as he feels. the stranger is his alias, but the problem is that nobody knows what he looks like so he’s in fact going to karen as an anonymous “witness” when he’s literally him. 

THE LACK OF AN IMMEDIATE RESPONSE BUILDS AN UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE AS HE STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DOORWAY, EXTENDING IT AS HE SCANS THE ROOM FOR REASONS THAT MUST BE RESERVED TO ONLY HIS NETWORK OF THOUGHTS, AN INTRICATELY CRAFTED MACHINE THAT HAS LATELY BEEN SUBJECT TO PERIODIC MALFUNCTIONING  BROUGHT ON BY ITS OWN DESIGN. he is tortured by an internal conflict, a confusion that keeps him awake at night (WHO ARE YOU? MAN OR MYSTERY?) there is a resentment that taints his agenda and in response to it he has created his own chaos in a new setting, filled with the unsuspecting (AND WHAT BETTER PLAN THAN TO CONTINUE ON WITH IT? WHAT BETTER PLAN IS THERE THAN THIS?) 
            
            he proceeds further into the office with his hands behind his back, looking everywhere except in her direction. despite his internal turmoil, there is certainty in his expression. a smugness to the way his mouth settles and his dark eyes carry a distinct glint. 
            
            ❝ BIT SMALL IN HERE DON’T YOU THINK? ❞ he makes a quick circular gesture with his finger that accounts for the space as he slowly paces towards the left, taking in every inch of the walls, the blinds, the way in which the desk is positioned and the file cabinets are placed. ❝ INTERESTING…❞ he audibly comments to himself, while making strides towards the desk. ❝ I WAS HOPING YOU COULD HELP ME WITH SOMETHING. ❞ despite his acknowledgment, his eyes have yet to meet her. ❝ SOMEONE. ❞ he specifies, the sound of his footsteps continuing on until they come to a stopping point in front of her. 
            
            ❝ I’LL BE HONEST (I WON’T)— IT’S A BIT OF A LONG STORY AND I HAVE NO INTENTION TO WASTE ANY OF YOUR SPARE TIME. CONSIDERING THE NATURE OF YOUR PROFESSION, I’D SAY THAT’S A FAIRLY HARD THING TO COME BY. ❞ a deliberate pause, then his eyes cut towards hers for the first time. 
            
            ❝ IT HAS TO DO WITH A MAN THAT’S BECOME NEWLY AQUAINTED WITH THIS CITY. BIT OF A PEST. SOME CALL HIM THE STRANGER… EVER HEARD OF HIM? ❞ @-darkcorners 

/ he has the most potential for growth and the way he does so is one of my favorites. his development throughout the imperium storyline is just .. it really is eye opening for him like wait maybe there is hope. maybe i can do this, maybe i can grow if i stop telling myself i cant - he just needed that belief system and the ability to look at the world through new eyes new perspectives. but with that being said growth doesn’t mean scars are healed or things are erased, depression doesn’t magically go away bc you tell it to but what matters is before he thinks he’s this hopeless, alienated reject who has nothing and later it slowly becomes a okay well i know where i’ve been before and now i trust myself and a support system to believe that i can make it. it may take a while for me to get out of the shadows but i’ll get there, i just need to keep looking forward 

/ i think a lot of pain could’ve been avoided if max felt believed in. if someone told him “look i may not fully understand you but i believe in you” that would’ve driven him to the right direction. max felt that he wasn’t believed in, that everybody was against him and that he was alone, so he stopped believing in himself as a result. he claims to not believe anymore, not in anything, but that isn’t true. he has such a potential to learn, a natural willingness. he’s curious at heart that’s his nature, that’s why he’s so smart. he has so much to offer and to show that didn’t get a chance to come out during his childhood bc he was “different”

/ lmao fuck i forgot a quote mark after “why is that” my bad 

[CONTINUED] 
            
            ❝ WITHOUT PURPOSE THERE IS MADNESS. IT COMES INEVITABLY AS A RESPONSE TO WHAT CAN’T BE UNDERSTOOD. THOSE WHO CONSIDER THIS TO BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN FACT CHOOSE TO REJECT THE TRUTH. WHY IS THAT?” a rhetorical question proposed. he answers. ❝ BECAUSE IT FORCES THEM TO LIVE IN A REALITY WHOSE CLIMATE IS UNSUITABLE FOR THEIR DELUSIONS.❞ stated plainly, factually. his expression does not waver and his despite the movement of his mouth the rest of his face remains as stone. this must be his own routine that requires programming, repeating an answer that satisfies the ear but not the heart. 
            
            ❝ PEOPLE MUST CONVINCE THEMSELVES THAT THERE IS A “PURPOSE” IN ORDER TO CONTINUE ON LIVING. WITHOUT THAT “PURPOSE” EVERYTHING THEY’VE DONE WOULD AMOUNT TO NOTHING. THAT’S ALL THIS IS [pause] — NOTHING. ❞ IF ONE REPEATS THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER AGAIN, THEY WILL SOON BELIEVE IT. 
            
            ❝ IF THE OTHER TWO QUESTIONS REQUIRE THIS GRUELING OF A RESPONSE THEN CONSIDER THIS OVER WITH. ❞ @rawuncured
            
            / he can’t just say this shit and think he’s gonna get up and leave? sit tf down. 

HE PUSHES OUT A HEAVY BREATH, AS IF IT IS A CHORE TO DO SO. IT IS A CHORE FOR HIM TO ACKNOWLEDGE A QUESTION ASKED UNDER THE GUISE OF SIMPLICITY WHEN IT IS ANYTHING BUT SIMPLE. I’VE FORCED MYSELF TO COMPRESS MY THOUGHTS UNTIL THEY BECAME SHRIVELED IN MY PALMS. I CRUSHED MY CURIOSITY WITH BARE HANDS AND ITS ASHES HAVE YET TO BE SPREAD. IT’S RESIDUE REMAINS ON EVERYTHING IT TOUCHES. ❝ IF THIS IS WHAT THEY’RE HAVING YOU LEARN IN SCHOOLS THEN PERHAPS THAT “PURPOSE” HAS ALREADY BEEN DISREGARDED. ❞ a casual dig to stall the time, to redirect conversation before it takes its turn. he stares on into the broken city, with its traffic overcrowding the streets and its civilians programming themselves into their daily routines. through the darkness cast down by the dark grey, a burst of red in his peripheral serves as a sudden reminder of her presence, whose existence is more inclined to be believed in as opposed to his own. he is simply a body that is temporarily occupying space and when he is gone no one will ever know he sat at this bench before. no one will ever know what was left behind, if anything at all. what is the reason for all of this? 
            
            WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE? (I DON’T KNOW. THEREFORE, THERE MUST BE NONE) 
            

@inkgnito / OMG LMAO youre good!!! no rush it takes me ten decades to reply (everyone who knows me knows this i stg) so i’ll never be the one to demand shit at all so no worries— but thank you sm peak compliment right there, whatever you come up with will be great :) 

±     this shit so poetic i don't mean to ignore it. every few days i come back to read it and try to figure out how to reply..... 

DEAD MEN NEVER LEARN TO ABANDON THEIR SELF MADE CEMETERIES, INSTEAD, THEY ARE CONDITIONED TO DRIVE THEIR SHOVEL INTO THE SOIL TO DIG A DEEPER GRAVE. NOTHING EVER LASTS IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING AND SO WE DWELL SIX FEET UNDER TO AVOID ANOTHER DAY OF SWALLOWING OUR HOPE, HAUNTED BY ALL THE VERSIONS OF OURSELVES WE STRANGLED WITH OUR BARE HANDS. I AM A STRANGER TO EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR WHAT HAUNTS AND I HAUNT BECAUSE I AM INCAPABLE OF LIVING. 
            
            FOR YEARS I’VE BEEN ROTTING FROM THE INSIDE AND THE SIGNS OF ACTIVE DECAY HAVE BEGUN TO REVEAL THEMSELVES ON THE OUTSIDE. I HAVE NOT LOOKED INTO A MIRROR TO AVOID CONFRONTING WHAT I KNOW WILL DISTURB ME. 
            
            ❝ PERHAPS I HAVE. ❞ the duality of its meaning is enough to draw attention and there is a bitterness that taints the humor of his reply. THERE IS A SIGNIFICANCE TO ONE’S SKULL BEING ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE FACE, WHERE A MAN’S INNER SURFACE IS TURNED OUTWARD TO FACE THE WORLD AROUND HIM. he stares silently into the hollows of his eyes and in his own is a subtle glint. 
            
            ❝ IS THIS IS YOUR WAY OF TELLING A MAN HE LOOKS ILL? ❞ @inkgnito 
            
            / something abt this is… it’s … https://youtu.be/YtIl8pj0GPg i have thoughts. “perhaps i have”.. literally he is looking at /the/ ghost funny but hc that he doesn’t like looking in the mirror at himself bc to him he looks dead and like a ghost as well but in a different way. so to see someone with a literal ghost balaclava face to face w him is sooo funny!! sorry anyways i got into it let me stfu 

❝ SUIT YOURSELF THEN. ❞ A DISMISSIVE REPLY IS RELEASED FROM THE SIDE OF HIS MOUTH WHILE THE OTHER HOLDS THE CIGARETTE. it balances between the teeth momentarily as he tucks its box into his interior coat pocket and replaces it with a lighter. he glances over at the captain before cupping his hand to protect the flame. once finished, he leans back against the wall and takes a drag. ❝ IF I WERE IN THE SAME PREDICAMENT AS YOU [gestures towards him with a cigarette between fingers] PERHAPS I’D DO THIS MORE OFTEN. ❞ another is taken, longer this time, allowing the smoke to enter his body with the hope that it would pollute it somehow, suffocate this feeling inside of him. as he casts his glance down to the dark gravel beneath their feet, there is something subtle to be found in his unwavering eyes. SCANNING … SEARCHING. IF THERE IS A GOD, HE IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND IN THIS PLACE. SOMETHING TELLS ME HE’S LONG FORGOTTEN US. LONG FORGOTTEN ME…
            
            ❝ THERE’S NO TELLING WHEN THIS WILL END FOR YOU. YET STILL, YOU PERSIST. ❞ THE SOUND OF SILENCE, THEN, HIS OLD NATURE SPEAKS. ❝WHY? ❞ @Bravo6d 
            
            / had to resend this cause i forgot the damn quote mark!! can u believe i can write words wow so cool. 

look - ya twat.  my memory is perfectly fine.  if anything i have the best fucking memory here, but that still doesn't explain what the fuck you want with me or my fucking memory. 

❝ YOU DON’T REMEMBER A LOT OF THINGS, DO YOU? ❞ the question has the potential to draw offense and the anticipated reaction that is bound to follow amuses him. there is a glint in his eyes now, mischievous and as fitting as the small grin that creeps upon his mouth. ❝ CONSIDERING YOUR AFFILIATIONS, I ASSUME IT WOULD BE BEST FOR YOUR MEMORY TO BE LIMITED TO ONE TASK AT A TIME TO PRIORITIZE EFFICIENCY. CORRECT? ❞ @F0RHIRE 
            
            / british invasion pt 2