Winter

Obsessive thoughts plague my fucking mind. It’s exhausting 

Dear _________,
          We were so close. We promised to be friends forever. We used to talk all the time, and our differences only made us stronger.
          I still remember that day in your basement when we were playing together and you shouted at me, “you always ruin everything even when you don’t mean to”. I know you were mad, but I still remember it and it makes me want to die every time I think about it. And two years later you just decided I’d be fine if you just left my life and refuse to even look at me in the halls. I miss you.
          Dear _____, 
          We were closer then I’ve ever been to anyone. You’re the only one who shared my interests, taste in music, and who understood my depression. We we’re friends for the better part of last year. Then you left me too. You don’t look at me in the halls either
          
          I’ve not one friendship last more than 1 year besides the first friendship mentioned. Not one person has ever kept their promises to me. And it’s all because I’m a useless worthless person who no one loves. My family would probably get rid of me if they could I bet. Everyone I know has had at least one partner and I haven’t. No one will ever love me.
          
          I don’t understand why I’m here anymore. I’m never going to be famous or special. The only thing I could’ve possibly had is people who love me. But no one does. No one will. So what is the point.

Dreaming
          I was only dreaming
          Of another place in time
          Where my family’s from
          

Jesus Christ 4 am on a school night the day before a test is not the time to have insomnia, Brain

It’s 3:25 am. I’m going to fail my tests tomorrow. My parents are going to kill me when they find out about the test I failed today. I don’t want to sleep. I want to run away and finally be free. I’m scared. I need it to be summer already. But then school will just come back and be worse. It’s an endless cycle. And nothing will come of it. I won’t be anything special. I’m not cool or funny or good at drawing or music or something that will make me be remembered.
          
          I think I need to sleep.. yeah. I’ll do that. 

It's 1 am now. I'm watching parks and rec while I draw a horrible drawing of a cat. The stars are still out. It's pretty

The stars are pretty Tonight

I’m booooooooooooored

I want to draw.. but I’m too bad

I.. want.. to.. die..