Lost the three people I loved most in life to a long term misdiagnoses. The people who used to say that they would help me, ended up hurting me. Maybe if I was diagnosed sooner, maybe I would have stayed in school. Maybe I would have been in college right now. Maybe I would still have those three people. Looking back on it now, everything leading up to a brand new diagnoses made sense. All this time I was in a mania. All this time my "friends" knew me from an act that missing chemicals said I was. All this time I was living in a fantasy that I couldn't break out of. And I believed it. My whole life was a lie to myself and my family just because nobody would test me for it. I am now an adult, and have no idea who I am or what I want to be. Every time I was free from the mania I didn't know anything going on around me. The last ended up being almost fatal. Now I have to learn to live with almost nothing, no one taught me how to deal with the aftermath that missing chemicals created. No one taught me to edit myself for people to see. To America, I am just a pawn in their game. Who am I outside of that?
