—c ♡

you can follow me on tumblr @ delusionaldean if you want ♡

gUYS
          
          i just thought of like,, demon dean and cas getting in fight which leads to hate sex and enter sandman by metallica playing in the background and i aM DECEASED I WISH I COULD FIND A GOOD EDITING APP TO MAKE A YOUTUBE EDIT FOR THIS IDEA OH GEEZ

i know not many will probably care, but i have a serious question that's been bothering me forever.
          
          over the years, i've gone through so much. i've had my fair share of ups and downs, although i did have quite a lot of downs for the most part, and during that, i found myself in it all. i found out i was transgender (when i was 14 years old) and i didn't know whether to hate or love the realization of it all. hate it because of all the trouble and pain i knew was to come, but love it because i could finally put a finger on why i felt the way i did for so long.
          
          anyways!! the question i always asked myself since then was: what do i want my name to be? i can't stand my birth name, but i don't know what else would sound and look right.
          
          since then, i've tried out an abundance of names, which have been sam, max, spencer, dean, and i'm just so confused. i try to decide what would sound right, but every time i look in the mirror and try to picture any of those names being my own, even though i love the names i've tried to work with, i am way too feminine to even start pulling them off. a friend or two have eagerly called me sam and max when i requested it, and another had found out accidentally when i logged into an old account that i hadn't realized was signed up with her email, and asked me if i was okay with her calling me spencer and us talking about it (she's pretty chill). but i just don't know. should i like, post a picture or something and have you kiddo's help me decide? or maybe i'm just overthinking this way too much like i always do. i'm 17 years old, i should have this figured out on my own by now.
          
          thank you to anyone who's read any or all of this, it means a lot, really. take care and i wish everyone a good night/day. xx

Heyy! Thank you so much for following me back! I love your stories!
          I read why you made this new account and friends who don't respect, understand and love you for who you are they aren't real freinds. I personally run away to the Internet to get away from reality because here I feel like I can be myself (I'm closet pansexual and have anxiety and depression so I'm socially awkward so I kinda feel you) but your always will feel welcomed and loved by us most people run to here to feel accepted lots are like you, we understand. Feel free to be yourself and chat anytime.
          Stay awesome bro!
          
          -Potato

Hello!! If I followed you just now, it's probably because you followed me on my other account @tgxiic. Let me give a brief explanation as to why I made another account.
          
          Basically, a few in real life friends also have wattpad and know mine so they follow me. And the reason I don't like that is because I can't exactly be myself on there because they'll see and throw an absolute fit. 
          
          So, I'm going to tell you who I really am: My name is known as Max to my friends, and I don't mind that, but I've found that Spencer is the name I'm more comfortable with. For those that don't know, I'm transgender (ftm) but pre T (obviously, that's why I can't "be myself" as I said).
          
          Now, I'd usually just block people because that's a quick and efficient option, but my friends are crazy and will find out and go off on me if and when they found out.
          
          So, this is just easier in a way. I can still keep that account up and not have anything suspected by them but I can be myself (be honest) and continue to write on here.
          
          I might transfer my stories over to here but that seems stupid because of all the votes and comments and such that I've gotten on them. I might just post my new/current/in progress (take your pick) stories on here and leave thr few finished ones alone. Let me know what you think in the comments on what I should do.
          
          Anyways, that's it. It's probably stupid, but I hate not being able to be honest with you all and with myself.
          
          Thank you for understanding and I hope me being who I am isn't, well, for a better since of the word, upsetting. Though, I don't know why it would be, but you never know. xx
          
          —Spencer