Dear Queen (I know, too much),
I'm writing to appeal to your better judgment—please, please don't judge my entire career by that one book. You know the one. The notifications keep coming: you're commenting on the cringiest thing I've ever published, with dialogue that makes me want to crawl under my desk and an ending that absolutely no one needed.
I write badly enough without you witnessing that particular disaster.
Would you terribly mind dropping it and picking up something more recent? Literally anything else I've written will do. I'm begging you, but make it look dignified.
Thank you (And I'm sorry—this is weird, isn't it? It feels weird. But here we are.)