ShyMochis

I'm so sorry for being so inactive! I know the last time I came on here I didn't work on anything, and I know that it's really upsetting when an author doesn't update. I will be 100% honest- I forgot about Wattpad, I'll own up to that. I've just been having a rough period, not to mention uninstalling the app, and I will try to come back for longer amounts of time when I'm more- stable, I suppose you could say.
          
          I am getting better, so hopefully that is soon 
          
          Ily guys <3

Loving myself will be my life goal until its my time to accept the embrace of death, and I -personally- feel like it should be for you guys to; or somewhere close. But what is loving myself? And, what is loving yourself? No one really knows; I know I don't. 
          
          Who knows how to define their own method and the way of loving myself? It’s our life's mission to define our own costume way to love ourselves. I don't do it on purpose, but it feels like I’m using you guys -Idols, funny strangers, and friends alike- to love myself. So I'll ask something of you for the first, and maybe last time: please, please use me, please use me, and my Unnie's to love yourself; because you all teach me how to love myself everyday. 

You're my Honeybunch, Sugarplum
          Pumpy-umpy-umpkin, You're my Sweetie Pie
          You're my Cuppycake, Gumdrop
          Snoogums-Boogums, You're the Apple of my Eye
          And I love you so and I want you to know
          That I'll always be right here
          And I love to sing sweet songs to you
          Because 
          You 
          Are 
          So 
          Dear!!!

"Don't stay up too late."
          
          "Okay"
          
          Did you mean: "Sorry but I'll be up until 12:43 dealing with other peoples bullshit, trying to keep my friends out of trouble, have their back, try not to loose my temper + all the progress I've made this year, only to get so nerved up that I'll probably pass out the moment I close my eyes"?

I guess you guys can take this as you're not alone in your problems.
          
          Everyone had them.
          
          
          Some just hide better than others

(3/3)
          
          Today just topped my issue cake.
          
          
          
          So my accent fluctuates. A lot. Especially when I'm upset. So, today being so shitty, it happened all day. But the thing is is that so many people got mad at me and yelled at me and one even almost hit me because everyone said that I was seeking attention and that I was trying to be British or Australian or Irish and that I needed shut up before I got hurt. And then one of my closest friends yelled at me and I got so emotionally unstable that I yelled at him.
          
          I yelled at him guys. I don't do that to people unless I'm really mad and I feel so bad because after he tried saying sorry so many times and I had to keep saying that I was okay because I'm so guilty for doing that but when I tried to sleep to calm down I just woke up crying when I didn't even dream about anything and I just-
          
          I don't know. My parents won't understand because they'll claim they've known me my whole live and that I'm just attention seeking and my siblings are kids so I can't rant to them either and half of my friends are the causes of my problems (by my own doing obviously but still) and I'm so emotionally drained.
          
          I can't sleep, and then when I do its for longer than I should but I still feel deprived, I'm barely hungry half the time, I'm not depressed but I'm so fucking scared and my anxiety goes from 0 to 1937383638hi28277384 in like 0.279 seconds then back to 0 and I'm just so- so tired.
          
          

(2/3)
          
          But it gets so overwhelming because I tell myself that I'm not allowed to have my own problems because I'm a foundation for so many people, and if I break, what will happen to every one that I'm holding up??
          
          And I'm so, so scared that I'll just become this emotionally detached person but if I don't then all of my problems will keep building up until it gets too much and I end up breaking down in the middle of school for the entire community to see.
          
          And I can't do that because nobody will want to talk to me about their problems, and many of them said that I'm the only one they talk to during those sorts of things because I'm "more understanding" and "less judgmental" than everyone else.
          
          So many people depend on me and there's no one I can depend on because I'm afraid that I'll cause them the same thing that's happening to me.
          
          
          

(1/2)
          So.. I don't know why I'm opening to you guys like this but I guess today's just been a shit day..
          
          Here we go ig:
          
          
          I'm scared. As in- Terrified. You wouldn't believe how many people go to me in my school just to use me as their counsler and I love that. People who get looked over and told that they don't need one gets to have one that actually cares and will listen. And I do. I care so much even if I don't know them and I want to help as many people as I can. But the thing is,is that I can't break down.
          
          That's not an option.
          
          
          I have five little siblings.
          
          A nice amount of friends and a lot of people I know in the same school as me.
          
          Two sets of parents so I can never escape those.
          
          And my own pride.

"Those alien f*cks... They're up to something, I know it."
          
          -My gay cousin talking about girls 

Happy Birthday 지민이 오빠!