@unofficialsoftie
and just as the sun set, after a warm summer day, the world fading to black as it does,
he left
it was my fault for thinking he could stop the sun from setting
-
my own
7:58pm
Tuesday, November 24, 2020
From now on, I shall be storing all my poems and small writings in a book, since they have grown quite long, and cannot be posted in my conversations.
The book will be called "Thoughts" and will be published Monday.
Friday, Sept. 25th, 2020
5:05am
Also there will be no schedule to my uploads, I apologise. My life is off the rails.
Someone hacked into my Wattpad.
"Dear unofficialsoftie -
We recently learned that some of our user data may have been improperly accessed. We have taken immediate action to contain and fix the issue, and we are continuing to investigate with assistance from external security experts.
The investigation, to date, indicates that the following types of information may have been involved:
Email address
Date of birth and gender (if provided)
IP address upon sign up, if signed up before 2017
Profile display name
Account name and salted and cryptographically hashed passwords
Responses provided to surveys distributed in 2015 or earlier
List of Paid Stories and chapter titles purchased by a user
Any third-party account IDs, such as Google or Facebook. Passwords associated with third-party accounts are not stored on our systems and are unaffected."
Should I be worried?
@unofficialsoftie No not too much, just change your password soemthing only you know and not connected your last password. It should throw off the hackers trail
Sometimes, I wish people didn't get as tired of me, as I do.
Sometimes, I'll open up, just so that they'll realize what "I'm here to talk whenever" really means.
Sometimes, I'll be honest only because i know people will run.
Sometimes, I don't care if they do.
Sometimes, I do.
Sometimes, I'll cross paths with someone that seems to really like me.
Sometimes, I'll chase them away.
Sometimes, I lead them on and get them to like me, just to fake my death.
Sometimes, I just keep them around because I do need to vent without them running away afterwards.
Sometimes, I make fun of people.
Sometimes, I'm "brutally honest" and it gets me no where.
Sometimes, it gets me removed from social networks.
Sometimes, I get reported on purpose, so that when I disappear, people will wonder how I am, or where I went.
Sometimes, I just want everyone to leave me alone.
Sometimes, I fantasize about weather or not life will be good after I die.
Sometimes, I even make a plan.
Sometimes, I go to do said plan, but then back out last minute.
Sometimes, I make plans to do it, just because I know I would never.
Sometimes, I'm wrong.
Sometimes, I'll back out, and wonder why for the rest of the year.
Sometimes, I should've died.
Sometimes, I should've stayed asleep.
Sometimes, I wish I didn't always think i did this for attention.
Sometimes, I feel so awful inside, that I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror.
Sometimes, I don't want to anyways.
Sometimes, I confuse the words "Some" and "Most"
-
"Sometimes"
5:29pm
June 22, 2020
When the rays of sun light started to seep through the dark satiny curtains of the room, I felt a sense of calm surround me.
Though I was still awake, from the night before, and had not a wink of sleep, some how I felt relieved;
as if the birds singing and whistling at each other, and the cool wind with warm beams of light was a sure sign that I had made it through the night without being eaten by dark monsters and demons.
The feeling of serenity, quickly became nostalgia, the early mornings of old coffee, the smell of that car as my family and I travelled to the city at 6am.
Where we are our first meals varied between the years, but where we are always told me how much money we really had, and how much our parents told the truth.
When I was younger, it was 7/11, I would get rice crispy treats every time. Which soon became Bread & Butter, a quaint modern brunch bar, which fruit that was always too bitter, but at that time, I was trying to be healthy when I ate, even if I didn't want to.
The last times we drove out into the city for my mother's job, we had star bucks, which I wouldn't get anything at, except rice crispy treats- if it was fifty times more expensive.
I stretched out on my sleeping place, the sounds of the birds becoming louder and louder as the sun rise in through the clouds, these memories of tastes, feelings, smiles, all genuine...
I miss that feeling.
Knowing that everything is actually okay, and everything was planned.
Even the rain, that made a few people late to class, but my mother of course was prepared, bringing a mat and extra umbrellas. She was good like that. Remembering and awareness, two important things that were never lost on her for a second.
Little did we know, her awareness and the curse of a photographic mind, would soon drive her to the brink of insanity... But this isn't about her for now...
This is about the sun...
-------
5:59am
May 18th, 2020
Entry #1
You never notice how loose your pants are,
when your size is small.
After being told you're over weight,
your size doesn't matter much at all.
It doesn't matter if you're tall or short,
or if you'd under slept,
because after hearing that you're over weight,
There's no other answer you'll accept.
Crushing numbers, skipping meals,
Puking up your dinner,
It doesn't matter what the cost,
As long as you are thinner.
Your friends will start to worry,
And your family won't forget,
The moment when your weight habits,
Became a sort of threat.
It's helped you reach this lighter weight,
Though your body looks bizarre.
You won't even care at this point,
Your purging has gone thus far.
As the bones protrude from your wrists,
And the number has surely diminished,
You still find something more to change,
Your work isn't close to finished.
You poke and prod, and this flesh you have,
As if it's a bear inside your cage,
Once you start to tear it off,
It breaks out in an unholy rage.
Your teeth will rot, and face will sink,
hair fall out as it should,
You think you're doing your fucking best,
Truly, you've misunderstood.
This flesh you bear upon your arms,
will not just fade away,
This number you've given priority,
Can not be achieved just any day.
You will not be minus one hundred pounds,
That isn't how it works.
You'll find that having skin on your bones,
Really has its perks.
Getting kisses on your cheeks,
And hugs around your waist,
Fingers running through your hair,
And you'll always miss the taste,
Of ice cream on a summer day,
Or an cocoa near the fire,
Tear the skin from off your bones,
And you're life will surely expire.
So fuck the number, and fuck the rules,
Your skin isn't something to hate,
You wouldn't be in the stupid mess,
If you just fucking ate.
-
7:06pm
(Wednesday) April 29th, 2020
"Skin" - Me.
I feel like every time I come across a good thing in life, it has to have so many cons to it that I don't know which was better, my life before, or my life now..
March 4th, 2020
4:33am
Today is stupid.
-
December 23rd, 2019
4:34pm
It's nice and cloudy today.
I'm hoping for rain, so I can read by the window and nap without being bothered.
Physically, I'm fine.
Mentally...
...
-
November 8th, 2019
3:25pm
This may be important. Please don't ignore.
Wink wonk ;|
-
November 4th
12:25am